


Leaps of faith

by SummerHoliday01



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Abusive Lucius Malfoy, Angst with a Happy Ending, BAMF Narcissa Black Malfoy, Child Death, Discussion of Abortion, Dorks in Love, Draco Malfoy & Harry Potter Friendship, Draco Malfoy in the Muggle World, Eventual Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, F/F, F/M, Forced Pregnancy, Gay Draco Malfoy, Gen, Good Draco Malfoy, Good Narcissa Black Malfoy, Good Parent Narcissa Black Malfoy, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Hogwarts Eighth Year, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Lucius Malfoy Being an Asshole, Lucius Malfoy's A+ Parenting, M/M, Miscarriage, Multi, Original Character(s), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Harry Potter/Ginny Weasley, Pining Draco Malfoy, Pregnancy, Pregnant Draco Malfoy, Redeemed Draco Malfoy, Self-Harm, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Supportive Narcissa Black Malfoy, Trans Character, Trans Draco Malfoy, Trans Female Luna Lovegood, Trans Luna Lovegood, Trans Male Character, Trans Male Draco Malfoy, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 08:00:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 16
Words: 24,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27659861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SummerHoliday01/pseuds/SummerHoliday01
Summary: Much to his horror, Draco finds himself pregnant with the Dark Lord's child. Going through the ups and downs of pregnancy as well as wondering whether he should keep the so-called monster growing inside him, Draco struggles with harmful thoughts that roam inside his head as well as dealing with the wizarding world's golden boy.
Relationships: Arthur Weasley/Molly Weasley, Draco Malfoy & Blaise Zabini, Draco Malfoy & Ginny Weasley, Draco Malfoy & Harry Potter, Draco Malfoy & Lucius Malfoy & Narcissa Black Malfoy, Draco Malfoy & Narcissa Black Malfoy, Draco Malfoy & Pansy Parkinson, Draco Malfoy & Pansy Parkinson & Blaise Zabini, Draco Malfoy & Ron Weasley, Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Harry Potter & Ginny Weasley, Harry Potter & Ron Weasley, Hermione & Neville & Luna & Draco & Pansy & Harry & Ron & Blaise, Hermione Granger & Draco Malfoy, Hermione Granger & Draco Malfoy & Harry Potter & Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger & Harry Potter & Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley
Comments: 86
Kudos: 160





	1. Chapter 1

Draco wakes up with a groan, his stomach twisting and swirling like a washing machine. Sitting up his mind foggy with flashbacks of a nightmare, pressure builds up from his stomach up to his throat and before he knows it he’s throwing up onto the floor. Throat burning and tears stinging his eyes, Draco finally stops vomiting after a while. However, still feeling nauseous, he takes a sip of water which stands by his bedside table

Staring at the mess he made, Draco holds his stomach while placing his feet onto the cool wooden floor. Like needles pricking at his feet, Draco wiggles his toes before making his way downstairs to grab a wet cloth. 

“I’ve been vomiting for two weeks and this is the fifth time this week I've been throwing up,” Draco says in wonder out loud to himself, his stomach on top of twisting with nausea is now bubbling with nerves.

“I’m meant to be on my period, but it hasn't come yet, but menstruation never made me vomit before…” he trails off to himself starting to feel a bit of dysphoria 

A thought crosses his mind which makes him stop in his tracks 

“No,” he says. “There’s no way”

Holding his stomach, the thought making him feel like vomiting again, Draco grabs his wallet and keys and races out of his flat, not even bothering to get changed out of his pajamas

Arriving at the muggle pharmacy after driving like a mad man, Draco grabs three pregnancy tests and ignores the strange look from the cashier, before driving back home and racing to the bathroom and doing the pregnancy tests

Draco paces around the room waiting for the pregnancy test to reveal the results, thoughts whirling around his mind. 

“I can’t be pregnant,” he states out loud to himself. “I haven’t had sex in over a year” he furrows his eyebrows until a memory flashes through him and stops him dead in his tracks.

“No,” he whispers. “There’s no way”

Draco grasps his stomach and drops to the floor leaning over the toilet and vomiting. Draco wipes away tears forming in his eyes, as he stands wiping his mouth with the back of his hand and making his way to where the pregnancy tests lay

Peering over it, Draco's heart stops 

Positive 

All three are positive 

It said on the instructions that positive means he’s pregnant

Dropping to the ground, Draco holds his stomach tightly, squinting his eyes shut

Draco shakes his head, trying to deny it. “No, the muggle tests are wrong,” he says. “They’re wrong” he repeats

As a final resort, he casts a pregnancy test spell and it comes up as positive

Chanting the words “They’re wrong” over and over again is how Narcissa found him when she used “Alohomora” to open the front door when Draco didn’t answer. She races towards him and drops to the ground where Draco is rocking back and forth. 

“Draco,” she holds his shoulders to try and stop his rocking. “What’s wrong?!” she demands

Draco however feels as if he’s underwater, drowning. His mother's voice so far away. The rest of the world is drifting away and he’s lost in space. Heart pounding against his chest, the beating loud in his ears, banging against his skin. 

Narcissa holds Draco’s shoulders tighter and looks at him straight in the eyes, moving her head to force her son to look at her back in the eyes. Draco’s eyes are watery with tears and distant. “Draco, look at me,” she says firmly. “Everything will be alright, take deep breaths for me”

Draco tries to take a deep breath but it cuts off short each time. He shakes his head in despair. “I can’t,” he croaks out. “I can’t”

“Yes you can,” Narcissa states. “Yes you can because you’re strong, whatever it is you can get through this”

Draco shakes his head, a soft sob comes out of his mouth as he whispers “I’m pregnant”

“Sorry honey, what did you say?”

“I’m pregnant!” he exclaims before falling into a fit of loud sobs.

“I don’t understand,” Narcissa says. “Isn’t that a good thing, I’m going to have a grandchild” she smiles slightly 

Draco shakes his head. “It’s with him…” he whispers

“With who?”

Draco remains silent for a while and Narcissa wonders if she should ask again, but when Draco whispers out “The dark loud” Narcissa’s heart drops, smile disappearing.

“What” 

“There’s no one else” Draco sobs

“But how, why, why would you…”

“I didn’t want to, he forced me, i was too pathetically scared to fight back, so i let him”

“Draco,” Narcissa breathes through her nose to try to calm the fire burning of rage flowing through her. “Are you saying that the dark lord...raped you?”

Draco shrugs. “I don’t know, i didn’t say no, i was too...scared” he lowers his head in shame

Fury flares through Narcissa but looking at her son's broken form, she takes a deep breath. ‘I have to be here for Draco’ she thinks to herself. Narcissa places a hand on Draco’s cheek and raises his head back up to look at her. “This,” she starts. “Is not your fault”

“Yes it is, I didn't fight back, I should've fought back,” he exclaims. “I may have died but at least i wouldn’t have to deal with this now”

“Darling,” Narcissa says firmly. “It is not your fault,” she states. “If anything it’s my fault, i shouldn’t have allowed the dark lord into the house” she feels tears welling up in her eyes at the thought of what her baby went through because of her

Draco shakes his head. “It’s not your fault mother”

Narcissa shakes her head but doesn’t say anything. 

They sit in silence for a while, each not knowing what to say or do now and being to scared to question it out loud

It’s not until loud ringing slices through the silence, startling both Draco and Narcissa out of their thoughts. Like a baby deer, Draco stumbles to a stand, and with the help of his mother, he stands and makes his way to the bedroom where his phone lays. 

It’s his boss

Draco curses when he sees the time, he’s late for work

Answering the phone, Draco paces around the room nodding his head frantically as his boss tells him off and telling him he can’t be late. Draco claims he’s sick, which he is technically. Luckily he has good attendance and this was the first time he was late, and his boss let him off.

“Everything okay?” his mother questions

“I was late for work”

“I still don’t understand why you insist on living in the muggle world,” Narcissa comments. “You hardly even use magic nowadays”

Draco sighs. “We spoke about this mother, I'm not welcome or wanted in the wizarding world, I'm not safe, and I don't like it anymore. Magic and the wizarding world is what got me into this mess in the first place”

“I understand darling, but still--” she cuts herself off at the sigh and sad look Draco sends her. “--Okay, i respect your decisions”

“I appreciate that mother” 

After a bit of rough silence, Narcissa looks at her son carefully. “So,” she starts. “What do you plan on doing?”

“With what?”

Narcissa gestures to him, eyes lowering to his stomach. “You know... the baby…” 

“Oh,” Draco shuts his eyes. “I forgot about that for a moment”

“It is early for you to make any definite decisions but--” Narcissa starts

“--I’m not keeping it” Draco cuts her off

Narcissa blinks. “You’re not?”

“No,” Draco says firmly. “I’m not keeping the child of a monster”

“But this is also your child darling, who’s to say it will be like the dark lord”

“I can’t keep the child of that monster, it will be exactly like he wanted”

Narcissa bites her lip. “But this is a child, a new life, who’s done nothing wrong, you need to think through this thoroughly and carefully before doing anything drastic”

Draco sighs running a hand through his hair. “Okay,” he says. “I’ll think about it first,” he says to please his mother but he’s already made his mind up.

“Thank you, darling, I just don’t want you to regret anything,” she cups his cheek. “And remember, I’ll support whatever decision you make” 

Leaning into the touch, Draco sighs. “I really appreciate that, thank you”

“I love you, my little dragon”

Draco smiles. “I love you too mother”


	2. Chapter 2

Once Narcissa finally leaves after loads of convincing from Draco that he’s fine, Draco shuts the door and slides down the wall, pulling his knees to his chest blankly staring at nothing, thoughts whirling around his head

His stomach rumbling and growling with hunger makes Draco sigh. Stumbling to a stand, he makes his way towards the kitchen and opens the fridge only to find it half empty. He opens the cabinets to find nothing also.

“Time to go shopping i guess” he grumbles to himself, forcing himself to have a shower and get changed before making his way towards the nearest muggle supermarket.

Once he arrives at the supermarket, he grabs a basket and grumbles when his stomach starts to roar again. “Calm down, I’m getting food” he says to his stomach earning a few strange stares from strangers 

As he’s nearly finished with his shopping, he grabs some milk but as he’s about to grab it, someone bumps into him making the milk slip out of his hand and fall to the floor. 

“Oi,” Draco whirls around with a sneer. “Watch where you’re going”

The mop of dark curly hair turns around to reveal Harry Potter making Draco's mouth drop but quickly turns back into a sneer. “Well well well, if it isn’t saint Potter”

“Malfoy” Potter states

Draco smirks. “I see you’re as graceful as ever, bumping into people and making them spill their milk” 

“I didn’t make anyone spill their milk” Potter exclaims making a few people stare at him

Draco’s smirk widens as he watches Potter curse under his breath. Potter opens his mouth to say something but then he blinks and blinks again. 

“Wait a moment,” Potter says holding a finger up. “What’re you doing in a muggle supermarket,” he questions. “Did you get lost” he teases

“I know you’re slow Potter but I didn't think you were this slow,” Draco sasses. “I live in the muggle world if you must know”

Potter bursts out a laugh in the silent supermarket causing everyone to snap their head to them. Draco frowns as Potter keeps laughing while wiping fake tears from his eyes.

Potter holds a hand on his chest as his laughter dies down. “I don’t remember you being this funny Malfoy,” he says. “You, living in the muggle world? Please, if you want to lie at least tell a more convincing story”

Draco rolls his eyes. “I don’t have time or patience for this,” he says grabbing another milk and placing it in his basket. “Hopefully i won’t see you around Potter”

“Same here Malfoy” Potter spins on his heel and walks away

Draco watches as Potter disappears into the frozen food aisle. With a huff Draco grabs his basket and makes his way to the cashier

As Draco makes his way home he feels a craving creep upon him. A craving for donuts and pickles. Draco scrunches his face at the thought however his stomach is yearning for it. Pulling over to buy the donuts, his phone rings loudly

When he sees who it is, Draco furrows his eyebrows but picks up anyway

“What do you want?” he says over the phone

He hears Pansy huff over the line. “Hello to you too Draco” she says.

After a bit of silence, Draco rolls his eyes. “What do you want Pansy”

“I’m just saying hello to my friend, can’t i do that,” she says. “Anyway, i just thought we could hang out, it’s been a while since we’ve done that”

Draco narrows his eyes, it’s not until a thought rings in his head that his heart starts to pound in his chest. “Did mother speak to you?!” 

“Huh?” Pansy questions. “What does that have to do with us hanging out--wait,” she cuts herself off. “--Did something happen, what happened?!”

Draco sighs. “I have something to tell you, but it shouldn’t be over the phone”

“Well now you’ve got me worried, why can’t you tell me? Is it bad?”

“No, at least i don’t know”

“Draco!” Pansy exclaims. “I’m worried now”

“No, don’t worry, just come over”

“I’m on my way right now” she then hangs up 

Draco sighs, bringing the car back to life before making his way back home

When he arrives home and turns the light on, he jolts and jumps at the sight of Pansy standing in the corner. Heart pounding from the fright, he counts himself lucky that he didn’t drop the shopping. He places the shopping on the counter and begins to put the things away.

“Well,” Pansy starts, following Draco to the kitchen. “Are you not going to tell me what happened?”

“Let me put the shopping away first” Draco says but in reality he just wants to procrastinate telling her the news. 

“Fuck that,” Pansy exclaims grabbing Draco’s wrists. “Tell me what’s going on”

“I’m pregnant” Draco mumbles

“Huh?”

“I’m pregnant” he says clearer

“What?!” Pansy exclaims

Draco huffs. “Are you going to make me say it again”

“And you’re only telling me now?” Pansy hisses 

“I only found out now”

Pansy nods. “Well, who’s the other father?”

Draco feels his stomach twist and swirl at the thought. He opens his mouth to say it but he clangs it shut. 

Pansy furrows her eyebrows. “What, it can’t be that bad”

“It’s the dark lords” 

Pansy blinks, then blinks again. “What”

Draco squints his eyes shut and gives a single nod

“Why? What?” Pansy trails off. “Why would you have sex with him out of all people”

“It’s not like i wanted to Pansy”

Pansy blinks. “Wait,” she holds a hand up. “Are you telling me he…” 

Draco falls to the ground and curls up like a ball, bringing his knees tightly to his chest and burying his face in his arms. Pansy’s heart drops at the sight of her friend's broken shaking form. She sits besides him and pulls him into a tight side-hug

“It’s going to be okay,” she strokes his hair. “You’ll be alright, you’re going to be okay”

Draco shakes his head. “I can’t,” he holds onto Pansy for dear life, as if that if he lets go he’ll sink into the ground. “I can’t do this”

Pansy forces Draco to look at her in the eyes. Her eyes are fiery and firm. “Yes you can,” she says firmly. “You can do this, i know you can”

Draco shakes his head mutely and doesn’t say anything back. 

They sit together on the floor in a comfortable silence. 

The presence of his best friend, helping to calm Draco’s nerves. Draco breaks the silence by his stomach growling. Pansy chuckles and allows Draco to stand and make some lunch. Helping Draco cut some vegetables, Pansy stares blankly at the wall thoughts whirling.

“Why didn’t you ever tell me?” Pansy questions distantly 

“Tell you what” Draco says cutting up the meat

“You know,” she says. “What the dark lord did…”

Draco drops the knife down on the counter with a sigh. “I couldn’t tell anyone,” he whispers. “I just wanted to forget that it ever happened”

Pansy stares at him with a tight smile. “I understand,” she says. “But, what are you going to do about you know what”

“I’m going to get rid of it” Draco picks the knife up and continues to cut the meat

Pansy frowns but nods. “I understand but--”

“--Can we please stop talking about this, i just want to forget for now” Draco cuts her off

“Okay,” she says. “Let's focus on making lunch”

“Good” 

Once lunch has finished cooking, they both dish up for themselves and sit around the table in the dining room. Sitting in comfortable silence, they both eat their beef with vegetables and potatoes. 

“Oh,” Draco says, suddenly remembering something. “Guess who i saw in the supermarket today”

Pansy shrugs. 

Draco leans forward as if saying a secret. “Potter, i saw Potter”

Pansy smirks. “I see,” she says. “So what happened”

“Nothing much, Potter was being a prick as usual”

“And what was he doing there?”

“You know, what normal people do, shop”

Pansy sends him a look. “Ha ha i know that”

Draco smiles slightly, taking a bite out of the potatoes. Silence fills the air again once more, the only sounds being the traffic outside and their chewing. Draco feels his stomach whirling, before he knows it he jumps to a stand and races to the bathroom, and vomits once more into the toilet. 

Once he’s done Draco bangs the floor with his fist and exclaims “I hate this”

Pansy kneels before him and holds his shoulders. “Are you okay?”

“No,” Draco says. “You know what, i’m not okay” 

“You’ll get through this, i know you will”

“I don’t think i can”

“Shut up, i know you can Draco Lucius Malfoy”

Draco sends her a look. “Really, calling me by my full name”

“What,” she says. “It’s to help get it into your head” she knocks on his head to further prove her point. 

“Whatever” Draco shakes his head

“No, it’s not whatever,” she says. “You must believe in yourself”

Draco scoffs. “Believe in myself”

Pansy glares at him. “At least promise you won’t do anything stupid”

“Whatever”

“No it’s not ‘whatever’ Draco” she starts but before she could finish Draco starts vomiting again into the toilet

Once he’s officially done vomiting, Draco brushes his teeth and rinses out his mouth before going back to the dining room. Pansy points to the food. “You’re going to finish the rest of the food,” she says in more of a statement than a question

“No,” Draco holds his stomach with a wince. “I can’t”

Pansy sighs. “At least eat a fruit, it’s something light”

Draco looks up in thought. “Okay, yes, I can do that”

Once he’s finished peeling a mango and cutting it, he joins Pansy to watch TV in the sitting room. And that’s how they spend the rest of the day until it started to become dark and Pansy had to go home, leaving Draco alone with his thoughts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments give me life ;)


	3. Chapter 3

The next day, Draco wakes up to his stomach swirling and twisting like a washing machine again. Carefully getting off the bed so as to not upset his stomach further, Draco gets started with his day by getting ready for work. Making his way to the kitchen, his stomach rumbles like a growling monster. However, his stomach also twirls as if someone is twisting his insides.

He stops in his tracks at the sight of an unfamiliar black owl sitting on the bars of the balcony outside with a letter in its beak. 

Walking to it with a yawn, he scans the letter for any tricks or booby traps. Seeing that there’s none, he grabs the letter and strokes the owl's soft feathers, eyes widening when he sees the Hogwarts crest on the top. Rapidly reading through the letter as the owl flies away, he blinks and blinks again when he sees the words written upon it.

He’s been accepted for the eighth year at Hogwarts

After everything he’s done, he’s been accepted back into Hogwarts and been given a second chance to get a better education. After the trial a month ago, on whether Draco, who was a former death eater against his choice, will go to Azkaban, Draco was given a second chance at life, thanks to Potter who testified at his and his mothers trial. 

Draco can hardly stop the joy that flutters in his chest. He’ll be able to better his potion skills and work on getting a better job than he has now, and in the wizarding world too. But his heart suddenly drops at the reality of the situation, and how on top of being pregnant, he’s not welcome in the wizarding world no matter what his mother says and what Happy Potter said in trial. 

“People will probably hex and bully me and I won't be able to defend myself because the professors will think I started it,” he says out loud to himself. “It’s the reason i can’t live in the wizarding world, people always find me and i get the blame”

Draco sighs, dropping the letter onto the table. Glancing at the time, his eyes widen. “Shit,” he curses. “I’m going to be late”

He races to work and sighs in relief when he barges through the door and finds that his boss is not here yet. 

As the day goes past, serving customers in the prestigious restaurant in central muggle London, Draco spots the time and sees it’s four in the afternoon. He sighs bringing a coffee to an old couple who scrunch their faces like there’s a bad smell. 

Draco makes his way to the kitchens, but with each step getting heavier and head starting to feel light, Draco’s vision starts to blur before black overcomes him and he falls to the ground with a hard thump

-

Head hurting, he flutters his eyes open but winces and squints them shut at the bright lights blinding him for a moment. 

“Draco?” An unfamiliar voice calls out to him. “Do you know where you are?”

Draco blinks. “Who are you? What are you going to do with me?” he exclaims, sitting up much to the pain in his head

“What no,” the man says. “You’re in an ambulance, you fainted and you’re on your way to the hospital”

“Oh” Draco says 

The paramedic starts asking all sorts of questions about his health

Once they reach the hospital, Draco does some tests and answers some more questions, and the results come back that he fainted because he didn’t eat anything today. 

“Mr Malfoy,” a doctor comes to where he’s eating some bread with soup in a room. “The results came back that you’re pregnant, are you aware of this?”

“Unfortunately”

The doctor sends him a tight smile. “Well we want to do an ultrasound to make sure everything is okay with the baby”

“An ultrasound?” Draco questions, he’s heard of it but never figured out what it was despite studying and trying to discover all there is to know about muggles and their technologies 

“It’s harmless, we’re just going to use it to see the baby inside your stomach”

“Okay” Draco sighs

He lays down and pulls his top up to reveal his stomach.

The doctor grabs the gel. “This will be cold” she says

Draco flinches at the cold liquid being rubbed on his stomach but settles down once the doctor puts the ultrasound scanner on the lower part of his belly. 

“You are officially around one month into your pregnancy, the first trimester,” the doctor says. “You hear that sound?” the doctor asks with a small smile. The sound of a rapid beat fills the room. “That’s your baby’s heartbeat”

Draco blinks with his mouth agape. He doesn’t know whether he feels joy or dread, he doesn’t know what he’s feeling but this ultrasound made this more real for Draco. There is a baby growing inside of him

The Dark Lord’s baby 

His breathing is hitched and rapid

He nods at the doctor while trying to take deep breaths to calm down

“We have leaflets about pregnancy if you want to take a look” the doctor says

“I’m good” Draco says distantly 

“Okay, well you are free to go home”

“Right” 

“At the front desk, make an appointment for an ultrasound next month”

Draco nods distantly and leaves the room, calling a taxi, and making his way home. Once he arrives home he flops onto his bed, thoughts whirling across his mind. ”What am i going to do” he says out loud to himself. “I need to get rid of it as soon as possible”

He looks at the leaflet of abortion he grabbed on the way home despite saying he didn’t want one. There’s a clinic near him. Heart pounding, he calls Pansy.

“Hello?” Pansy says over the line

“Can you come with me to the abortion clinic?”

Silence fills the air. 

Draco furrows his eyebrows. “Hello?” he questions, wondering if the line went down

“Yes, of course I’ll come with you, but are you sure?”

“I don’t want this monster inside of me, yes i’m sure”

“Well if you’re sure, i’ll apparate by your house in a moment”

“Thank you Pans”

“Of course”

Draco waits outside for Pansy and once she appears, they get a taxi and make their way to the clinic. The ride in the taxi is silent, Draco suddenly remembers something but decides he can’t say it in the car in case the muggle taxi guy overhears them

The clinic building is tall and intimidating, Draco feels like an ant compared to it. Walking inside, Draco walks up to reception and applies to wait for a slot to open up today.

“You may not be seen today” the receptionist says

“But there’s a chance right?” Draco questions

“A small one but--”

“--Then i’ll wait” he cuts the receptionist off

They make their way to the waiting, sitting away from all the other people, Draco decides it’s a good time to talk about what he remembered in the taxi.

“Pansy, did you get a Hogwarts letter?”

“Duh, how else would i have gone to Hogwarts for the past few years”

Draco rolls his eyes. “I mean for eighth year”

“Oh, yes I got one,” she says. “Did you get one too?”

“Yeah”

“Are you going?” 

“I don’t know”

“I thought you didn’t like the wizarding world anymore”

“It's not that i don’t like it, it’s that I’m not welcome or wanted”

“Who cares, and besides,” Pansy says. “You’re Draco Malfoy, since when do you allow what others think of you affect you”

Draco smiles slightly. “That’s true,” he says. “But i wasn’t safe there, people kept attacking me and no one wanted to hire a death eater, and surely at Hogwarts, it will be the same”

“Probably, but it may be a good chance to get on with your life”

“What do you mean?”

Pansy sends him a look. “Do you really want to be working as a muggle waiter for the rest of your life” 

“What, of course not”

“Then this is your chance to slowly get back into the wizarding world, start by going to Hogwarts, if it doesn’t work out, you still have the muggle world”

Draco lowers his gaze in thought. “I’ll think about it”

“Why do you even work? You have money” Pansy questions

Draco shrugs. “Something to do, something to distract myself with”

“Right, but a waiter seriously?”

“It's the only job I could get that didn’t need school results, not that mine isn’t amazing,” he flicks his hair back. “But seeing potions on my list will surely get the muggles confused,” he says. “If Hogwarts doesn’t work out i do plan on doing a course of some sort, just to have muggle subjects on my list as well”

Pansy nods. “At first i was a bit iffy about the muggles and muggle world, but it’s not that bad I guess, phones and TVs are amazing though” 

Draco beams. “I know right”

Before they could continue, a voice calling out “Draco Malfoy” makes them cut their conversation short as Draco is called for the abortion. 

“Good luck!” Pansy calls out 

Draco sends her a smile before entering the room


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the bookmarks, kudos, and comments, they made my day

A month after, Draco stares at his swollen baby bump.

“I can’t believe I didn’t have the courage to end up getting rid of you last month,” Draco says to his stomach. “You’re so going to ruin my body” he whines 

Pulling his shirt down he sighs making his way to the kitchen and preparing some toast with jam. A knock at his door startles him and he opens it to reveal his mother. “What are you doing here?” Draco questions 

Narcissa raises an eyebrow with a disapproving look. 

Draco coughs. “Er right, sorry mother,” he says, bowing his head. “It’s great to see you”

“What’s wrong Draco?” Narcissa looks at her son carefully

Draco sighs. “Just this stupid monster growing in my stomach”

“Now now,” Narcissa says. “Don’t call the baby that”

“Why not? It’s a monster and I hate it." Draco states slapping his belly

Narcissa shakes her head. “Once that baby is born, you’re going to look at it and your heart is going to swell from love and affection,” she sighs, tears forming in her eyes as she remembers the day Draco was born. “And then they’re going to grow up, and have their own life and soon you realize that your baby doesn’t need you anymore”

Draco looks at his mother with a small smile. He grabs her hands as she turns her head away to hide her tears. “I’ll always be your child,” Draco says. “And I won't always need help, but when I do, I know you’ll be here for me like you always were”

Narcissa squeezes her son's hands. “And I will always be." She says pulling Draco into a tight hug

Draco melts into his mother's arms, feeling safe and protected from the world. Draco feels tears swell up in his eyes. He coughs to hide a sniffle and wipes his tears behind her back right in time before she pulls back and looks at him square in the eyes.

“I will always be here for you, I love you Draco”

Draco smiles a watery smile. “I love you too mother”

Narcissa wipes Draco’s tears. “Now now,” she says. “Let’s not cry right now”

“I don’t even know why I'm crying, it must be the hormones," he wipes his eyes. “Anyway,” he starts. “I have an appointment at the hospital to do an ultrasound, do you want to come?”

“What’s an ultrasoundy?” 

“Ultrasound,” Draco corrects. “It’s a thing muggles use to see the baby and hear the heartbeat”

Narcissa sighs. “Why don’t you go to a wizarding healer, they’re more reliable and this is my grandchild we’re talking about, i want the best for them”

“I don’t want the wizarding world to know, they’ll probably find out it’s the dark lords and I can't have that. Besides, I don’t plan on keeping it after the birth,” Draco says much to Narcissa’s surprise. “I plan on giving it up for adoption”

“No” Narcissa states

“Yes,” Draco says. “I can't keep looking at this child and remembering what the dark lord did, not only to me but to everyone. If I weren't a coward, I would abort this thing, but what if this child ends up being like him”

“You’re not a coward, you’re going through a tough time right now with difficult choices. And I'm glad you didn’t abort the baby, but if you give this child up for adoption, it’ll probably end up like the dark lord because it won’t have a family to guide and give them love,” Narcissa says. “I understand though why you don’t want to keep it, but I won't allow you to give it up for adoption”

“Who will look after it then, because i won’t” 

“I will”

Draco blinks. “Huh?”

“It’s my grandchild, even though it’s also the dark lords, it’s also yours and I will look after it”

“But what about me?”

Narcissa glares at her son. “Draco, this isn’t only about you, this child deserves to be with its family and I will use all my power to make sure it does”

Draco opens his mouth to retort but Narcissa holds a hand up. “Don’t protest, i won’t change my mind and we both know i will get my own way” she says

He clangs his mouth shut and frowns looking to the side. 

“Glad we agree,” Narcissa says. “Now let’s go to your ultrasoundy thing and see my grandchild”

“Yeah, let’s go” Draco grabs his bag and makes his way out the door. 

He walks towards his car but Narcissa just stares at him. “You know I’m not going in that metal deathtrap right?" 

Draco sighs. “Right, let’s apparate then."

They apparate to an alleyway near the hospital and make their way.

“I’m glad you didn’t abort the baby Draco” Narcissa says

Draco sighs. “I’m not sure if I made the right choice to be honest”

Narcissa smiles slightly. “I think you did”

Before Draco could respond, they’ve reached the hospital and are waiting in line to see the receptionist. Once Draco tells the receptionist his name and birthday and that he has an appointment with Dr Smith for an ultrasound, he makes his way to the waiting room with his mother in tow but he stops dead in his tracks at the sight of Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley sitting there

“Potter?” Draco calls out 

Bright green eyes meet silver ones

“Malfoy?” Potter questions. “What are you doing here?”

Before Draco can reply, Narcissa appears from behind him saying “Hello Mr Potter, what a pleasure to meet you”

Potter smiles tightly at Narcissa. “Likewise Mrs Malfoy”

Draco groans sitting down in front of Potter and Weasley. Narcissa shakes her head at her son's actions but sits him on the plastic blue chairs. The ticking of the clock in the silent waiting room is like a bomb waiting to go off, ticking down until it’s about to explode

“So,” Potter breaks the silence. “What are you guys doing in a muggle hospital?”

“Like I said Potter,” Draco starts glaring into those green eyes. “I live in the muggle world”

Ginny Weasley bursts out laughing, making the few people in the waiting room stare at them. She then calms down and looks between Draco and Narcissa. “Wait,” Weasley says. “You’re not joking?”

“No” Draco glares 

Potter blinks. “I thought muggles and muggle-borns were beneath you Malfoy”

“That was ages ago,” Draco says. “I don’t think that anymore”

“Good” Potter says

“Anyway,” Weasley says. “What are you both doing here?”

“Here for an ultrasound” Narcissa says, proud she knows a bit of muggle technology

Potter blinks. “Are you pregnant, Mrs Malfoy?” he asks bluntly 

Narcissa chuckles but then looks at her son and sees the dread in his eyes. She smiles at Potter and Weasley. “What about you both?” she doesn't answer properly

“Ginny is pregnant” Potter declares proudly with a smile

Draco feels his heart drop and his stomach growl, but he then shakes his head. ‘Why am I jealous’ he thinks to himself. “Congratulations” he forces out

“Yeah,” Narcissa says. “Congratulations”

“Thanks” Potter and Weasley say

“Are you living in the muggle world?” Draco questions 

Potter nods. “Only for a while, things are quite hectic in the wizarding world and i want to take a break” 

“What, fame too much for you?” Draco sasses

Before Potter could retort or continue talking, a doctor walks out calling for “Ginny Weasley”

“That’s us,” Potter says, standing up with Weasley. “See you around I guess Malfoy”

“See you Potter”

As they turn the corner and enter the room, Draco buries his head in his hands with a loud groan. “Great, now they know I'm pregnant”

“No they don’t darling, they think I'm pregnant” Narcissa rubs a hand on Draco’s back 

“You’d let them think you’re pregnant for me” Draco says voice cracking

“Yes of course darling”

“Thanks mother,” he wipes tears leaking from his eyes before groaning. “Stupid hormones”

Narcissa chuckles. “It’s okay to cry darling”

Before Draco could respond, a nurse calls out for him

As Draco lays down, he lifts his shirt up to reveal his swollen stomach and the doctor places the gel on it. Draco refuses to look at the screen where the image of his baby lays, but Narcissa is wide eyes staring at the monitor taking in the image

“Is that the baby?” Narcissa points 

“Yes it is,” The doctor smiles. “Would you like a photo?”

Narcissa exclaims “Yes please” at the same time Draco says “No”. Narcissa glares at her son. “I want a picture of my grandchild” 

“Well i don’t” he crosses his arms

Narcissa sends him a pointed look. “Don’t start Draco”

Draco sighs. “Okay whatever”

The doctor looks between them with their eyebrows furrowed. “So do you want the picture or not?”

Narcissa nods. “Yes we do thank you”

The doctor nods. 

Once the picture is printed, the doctor hands out to Draco who shakes his head and gestures to his mother, who gladly takes it with a wide smile.

As Draco cleans himself off, he sighs and looks at his mother. “I hope you’re happy” he says

Narcissa sends him a smile. “I am,” she says, pulling him into a hug. “Thank you, Draco”

Draco hugs back, allowing his mother to rock him back and forward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments give me the will to live


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the comments, kudos, and everything. Please be careful of triggers, this story has triggering content

Draco wakes up with a groan, the sunlight beaming through the curtains blinding him for a moment as his eyes flutter open then squint shut. He sits up with a sigh, slumping over himself as he stares at the mirror in the corner of the room. With a sigh, he plops his feet onto the cold wooden floor and makes his way towards the bathroom. Glaring at his reflection which glares back with the same amount of intensity, Draco scans his features deeply, seeing nothing but flaws in his face which has dark circles and the odd pimple.

He then makes his way to the kitchen to eat something before work. Putting his work clothes on, he notices in the mirror that his stomach is sticking out a bit. Biting his lip, he squints his eyes shut to try and drown away the feeling of disgust which fills him from his stomach.

“Stupid baby,” he grumbles glaring at his stomach and the baby bump which is showing. “I hate you, you know,” he slaps his stomach as if it would somehow make it disappear. “I hate you”

A flash of a fiery flame flares across Draco’s stomach and up to his chest. Anger burning through him. “Why?” he looks up now in despair, a pit forming in his stomach. “Why did this have to happen, why? It was bad enough the dark lord…” he trails off unable to say the words. “But now, this?” 

He glances at the razor blades on the sink and bites his lip so hard blood comes out. “No,” he holds his hand back as he reaches for it. “I shouldn’t,” he says. “If i go back down that dark hole I may never get out”

The razor glares at him

“Fuck it” Draco reaches for it and presses it against his skin and drags it across his arm, across the disgusting dark mark which will forever mark his skin and remind him of everything the dark lord did as well as remind Draco of his mistakes. 

Pain flares through his arm but it’s comforting somehow, in a sick and twisted way Draco thinks

Once the dark mark is covered in long thin cut lines which are neatly scattered across his arm, Draco sighs squinting his eyes shut as he washes his arm with cold water under the tap, turning the inside of the sink a pinky red as the blood is being washed away.

He wraps a bandage around his arm, wincing at the stinging which flares over his arm. Once done, Draco grabs his things and makes his way to the front door. On the way, Draco slowly stops in his tracks when he spots the Hogwarts letter still on the table. He still has to write back on whether he’s going back or not. Hell, he still has to make his mind up.

“If i go, then everyone will make fun of me for being pregnant i’ll probably even get hexed. I’d get hexed even if i weren’t pregnant, but that’s not the point,” he mumbles to himself. “It’s too much of a risk to go, I won’t be safe,” he frowns. “But I refuse to spend all my life as a muggle waiter, and I would like to slowly get back in the wizarding world. Probably be a positions master” he smiles slightly at the thought

Draco sighs. “I think about it more later” he glances at the time then races out the door and on his way to work

Once he arrives his boss exclaims “Finally!” 

Draco glances at the time in confusion. ‘I’m early’ he thinks to himself, but instead, he says “Good morning Sir”

“There are already a few people here for lunch, serve them, table five”

Draco sighs making his way to table five but stops in his tracks at the sight of Potter, Granger, and Ron Weasley sitting at the table. Draco winces with a small whine. “Why” he says to himself walking over to the table

“Are you stalking me Potter” he greets with a glare. 

Potter blinks. “What, no, we live in the same area Malfoy, we’re bound to bump into each other” he insists

“Yeah,” Weasley starts. “I heard you now live in the muggle world, i couldn’t believe it, i had to see it for myself to believe it”

“So you knew i’d be here?” he glares at them all

Potter furrows his eyebrows. “No? Besides what’s the big deal”

Draco sighs. “Nothing,” he says. “Anyway, what can i get you?”

Granger, Weasley and Potter stare at him with their mouths open in shock. “Wait,” Weasley holds a hand up. “You…” he starts. “You work here, as a waiter?” 

“Yes” Draco grits out

Weasley bursts out laughing, making Draco’s glare intensify. As Weasley’s laughter dies down, Weasley says “Oh this keeps getting better and better”

“Ron” Granger glares

“What,” Weasley says. “It’s so ironic”

Draco glances back to see his boss stare at him and gesture for him to hurry up. Draco coughs to catch their attention. “So what can I get you three?”

Once he has their orders and starts making his way to the kitchens, he overhears Granger say “Did you notice his stomach?” which makes Draco’s heart pause and him stop in his tracks 

“What about my stomach?” Draco whirls around and stomps towards them

Granger blinks, a hard blush flushing her dark cheeks. “Oh nothing” she says

“No,” Draco growls. “Say what you were thinking”

“Oi,” Weasley stands but is pulled back by Granger. “Don’t talk to her like that, just because you gained weight--”

“--I didn’t gain weight” Draco cuts him off

“Well then why is your stomach--” Weasley starts 

“Yeah your stomach is a bit--” Potter joins

“Shut up, I’m pregnant! Okay!” Draco exclaims making everyone stare at him

Heat flushing his cheeks and heart dropping to the pit of his stomach, he covers his mouth and races towards the bathroom and hides in one of the stalls, pulling his knees to his chest as he sits on top of the toilet seat and allows his tears to fall

A knock on the stall a moment later startles him out of his thoughts. 

“Go away!” he exclaims

“Malfoy, it’s me” he hears Potters voice call out to him

“Just go away” Draco sighs 

“No one is judging you Malfoy” Potter says.

“Oh yeah, you must be jumping to congratulate me” Draco says sarcastically

“It doesn’t matter what I think, but if you must know, I think it’s brilliant, a new life is always amazing, even if it is a Malfoy” Potter says. 

‘Not if you knew who the other father is’ Draco thinks to himself.

Potter knocks on the door once more. “And since when do you care what others think of you Malfoy, come on, come out”

Draco sighs and wipes his eyes before opening the stall door to reveal Potter standing there with a small tight smile. Draco goes to the sink to wash his hands, Potter following him like a dog. 

“What” Draco says looking at Potter through the mirror 

Potter blinks. “Oh nothing, i was just wondering, if you’d like to go baby shopping sometime with me and Ginny and...your boyfriend”

Draco blinks. “I don’t have a boyfriend”

“Oh,” Potter says “Sorry i just thought since it takes a lot of magic for a male to have a baby, i thought you had a boyfriend or something”

“I’m transgender,” Draco states not knowing where his courage is coming from. “If you have a problem with that…”

“What no,” Potter shakes his head and hands. “No of course not”

“Good”

Potter nods with a tight smile. “Anyway, i should get going. My offer still stands about whether you want to go baby shopping with me and Ginny…”

“I’m good” Draco shakes his head

“Here’s my phone number if you change your mind” Potter writes his number down on a tissue before handing it over to Draco 

Draco nods taking the tissue and shoving it into his pocket

They make their way out and the golden trio leave the restaurant, leaving Draco to deal with his angry boss. 

“How dare you lose us customers”

“I didn’t mean to--”

“--You’re fired Malfoy” his boss grits out

“What you can’t--”

“--I can and i will” his boss says

Draco throws his apron on the ground and wipes his shoes on it. “Good,” he exclaims. “I hated this job anyway”. Stomping out of the restaurant, too angry to drive he apparates to his house and races to the bathroom. 

The razor glares at him, mocking him

He grabs the razor and holds it tightly on his other arm and drags it across his arm, wincing at the pain but cannot stop, he keeps dragging it across his skin until his vision starts to blur and his vision turns black


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG thank you so much for all the comments and Kudos, they make my day

Draco flutters his eyes open hissing in pain as a pain flares through his arm. Glancing around through blurry eyes, he sees that he’s in the bathroom. Sitting up against the wall, he holds a hand tightly over the open wounds across his arm with a groan. “I fainted...again,” he says to himself with a roll of the eyes. “Great” he mutters

He glances to the clock which sits on the wall 

It’s three o’clock in the morning

“Have I been out that long?” Draco mumbles to himself

Stumbling up to a stand like a baby deer, Draco grasps onto the sink with one arm, to hold himself up while staring at the reflection in the mirror who stares back at him. With a sigh, he manages to hold himself up without holding onto something and he washes the neatly scattered cuts under cold water before bandaging his arm up

Draco makes his way to get a tissue to wipe the blood that is on the floor, but as he bends down, he starts to feel airy and lightheaded. He sits on the floor for a moment, before kneeling before the small puddle of blood and wiping it away with the wet tissues. 

Walking towards the kitchen, he sits on a chair and holds his head in his hands, staring at the Hogwarts letter which glares at him. 

Everything bubbling up inside him starts to overflow as he mutters “Fuck it” and grabs some muggle paper and starts to write in the heat of the moment that yes, he accepts the invitation to go to Hogwarts for eighth year.

Draco glances out to the balcony to see that the usual owl is on the bars of the balcony, the owl has been coming and going every day, waiting for Draco to give him his answer. Draco holds the piece of paper to his chest and squints his eyes shut. 

“Should I?" he mutters to himself 

Opening his eyes, he gives himself a firm hard nod, before slowly making his way to the balcony and ever so slowly giving the owl his answer. As the owl opens its wings and disappears into the cloudy sky, Draco sighs.

“No turning back now,” he mumbles. “I hope I made the right choice”

Draco makes his way to bed, snuggling into the covers, burying his face deep into the fluffy pillow with a sigh. 

-

Blood 

Carnage 

Dead bodies dropping to the ground

Fire 

Unbearable heat

Hands

Dirty hands touching him

Pain

Draco startles awake with a jolt and heavy breaths, memories flashing through him. Taking deep breaths, heart pounding against his chest, he sits up and glances around the low lit room from the dawn of a new day peeping through his window. Draco refuses to shut his eyes as he takes deep breaths, slowly counting to ten, and since he only sees blood and carnage and fire behind the darkness of his eyes. 

He glances at the time and sees it’s a few minutes past seven in the morning. “I can’t go back to sleep,” he mutters to himself. “Might as well start the day”

Draco starts the day by making a huge breakfast, his stomach growling and rumbling as the smell of pancakes fills the air. He plops a few stacks of pancakes on his plate and drowns them in maple syrup before placing a few strawberries over it. Rubbing his hands together, his mouth salivating at the sight of the pancakes, Draco cuts into the stack and takes a huge bite, practically moaning at the taste which overcomes his mouth.

Once done, he washes the dish and notices it’s now eight o’clock in the morning. Draco sighs, his mother should be arriving soon, she sent a letter the other day saying she was going to visit him.

Right on cue, a knock at the door startles Draco out of his thoughts.

Opening it to reveal his mother with a bunch of shopping bags in her hands. Draco furrows his eyebrows. “Hello mother,” he starts before pointing to the bags. “What’s with all the shopping bags?” he questions

Narcissa squeals holding them up and barging through to the inside of the flat. She plops them on top of the table and turns to Draco with a huge beaming smile. “So,” she starts, gripping Draco’s shoulder. “I went shopping and I just couldn’t help myself”

Draco narrows his eyes. “What did you get?”

Narcissa digs through the bag and pulls out a bunch of tiny onesies, shirts and dresses, and shoes, but she holds out a particular one, a tiny yellow shirt which says ‘I love daddy’ upon it. 

Draco shakes his head. “No”

Narcissa’s smile falters into a small frown. “What why?”

“You know why mother”

Narcissa sighs, putting the clothes away. “I know you’re not fond of the baby--” 

Draco scoffs cutting her off

Narcissa glares at him. “But,” she starts. “I know that this baby will love you, and that soon you’ll love it back”

“I’ll never like, much less love, this thing” Draco slaps his stomach glaring down at the small bump sticking out

Narcissa sighs. “Anyway, did you send your response yet about whether you’re going back to Hogwarts for the eighth year?”

Draco nods. “I accepted, I’m going back to Hogwarts in two weeks” he suddenly starts to feel nerves flutter in his stomach

Narcissa smiles pulling Draco into a tight hug. “I’m so happy for you”

“Do you think I made the right decision?” Draco bites his lip

Narcissa cups his cheek. “I think you did,” she says. “It will be hard because not everyone is accepting, but going back will be worth it, I know it will”

Draco leans into his mother's touch. “Thank you mother”

Narcissa pulls Draco into another tight hug. “I love you Draco, never forget that”

Draco holds onto his mother, holding on for dear life as tears start to fill his eyes. “I love you too mother” 

Narcissa pulls back. “Oh Draco,” she sighs. “Everything will work out, everything will be alright”

“How do you know?” he questions

“Call it mothers instincts, mother knows best after all."

Draco smiles slightly with the shake of the head. 

Narcissa slaps his shoulder. “Hey it’s true,” she says. “And when you’re a father, you’ll know what I mean."

Draco frowns at being reminded of the situation at hand, that he’s going to be a father no matter how much he hates it and tries to avoid it. “Right…” he trails off

Narcissa grabs his hand and exclaims. “Hey, why don’t we go shopping for more baby things--OH, maybe even buy things for the nursery”

Draco holds his hands up and shakes them and his head rapidly. “No no mother,” he says. “You know I want nothing to do with this thing, much less buy stuff for it, besides, it makes it too real”

“Well Draco, this baby is real, all this is real, and it’s happening whether you like it or not. So you might as well accept it as soon as possible” Narcissa says 

Draco sighs picking at one of the baby shirts with a deep frown, thoughts whirling across his head. “I understand, but I want nothing to do with this thing, so leave me out of it please, i don’t want to go clothes shopping nor do anything to do with the baby”

“Draco, this is your child, you must face the responsibilities--”

“--I never consented for anything, much less to end up having his child, I refuse to have anything to do with it”

Narcissa sighs. “But what happened...happened, we can’t change the past, all we can do is accept what happened and try to move on”

“How can I move on when I’m going to have this thing to constantly remind me” Draco exclaims

“This baby will grow to be loved and cared for, we will teach it what’s right and wrong, it won’t have any ties to the dark lord other than just blood, everything will be alright”

“Well, you know what they say,” Draco starts. “Blood is thicker than water”

“This child also has your blood Draco, Malfoy blood,” she says. “That is the blood that will be thicker than the dark lord's water”

Draco sighs. “If you say so mother”

“I know so,” Narcissa says. “Anyway, shall we watch a movie on the welly?”

Draco chuckles. “The telly”

“Yes that”

“Yeah, let’s”


	7. Chapter 7

The next day, while Draco is at the table staring at a blank piece of paper. He bites his lip remembering what his mother told him yesterday.

“When do you plan on telling your father about the baby?” she questioned

Draco sighs thinking back on how his mother reacted when he said that he’s not going to visit him in Azkaban, let alone tell him about the baby, but he said that if his mother wants to visit and tell him, she could. She was not happy, saying how he’s still his father, the baby’s grandfather and nothing can change that, which made him feel and still feel right now guilty 

Draco rubs a hand over his face. “Should I visit father or not,” he mumbles to himself. “He is its grandfather, he does deserve to know,” he sighs. “But I can't look at him in the face after everything that he did, after everything that happened, what he did to us, to this family”

Slamming a fist on the table, Draco shakes his head. “No,” he says. “I’m not telling him, if mother wants to tell him, she can tell him herself”

With a final nod, he scrunches the paper up and throws it in the bin as he makes his way to grab his wallet and keys before walking out the door. Making his way to the nearest cafe, he sighs, keeping his hands stuffed in his pockets. 

Entering a small coffee shop, he sighs taking in the warm heat flushing across his cold face. Making his way to the line, he spots Potter sitting at a table all by himself. Draco hums at the sight of Potter's wild mop of hair and bright green eyes focused on a book. 

After ordering and taking his hot chocolate, he makes his way to where Potter is sat. “Hello Potter” he greets sitting in front of him in an armchair 

Potter's forest-green eyes look up to him. “Hi Malfoy,” he says before narrowing his eyes. “Don’t you know you should ask before sitting at someone's table”

Draco shrugs. “I do what I want”

“It’s rude”

Draco stands with a roll of his eyes. “Hey Potter,” he gestures to the armchair. “Can I sit here?”

Potter smiles slightly. “That’s better, and yes you can”

Draco gracefully sits and takes a sip of his hot chocolate. “What’re you reading?” he turns his head around to see the words upside down

“A book”

Draco stares at him. “No shit Potter”

Potter chuckles. “It’s a book about parenting”

Draco’s heart drops to his stomach at the thought of Potter being a father for some reason, but it’s probably more to do with himself becoming a father, or at least, Draco hopes. “Oh” he says, lowering his gaze before taking another sip of his hot chocolate

Potter shuts the book and looks at Draco. “Did you buy baby things yet? I bought so much stuff, I just couldn’t help myself to be honest” he chuckles slightly 

Draco coughs awkwardly. “Er, no not yet”

Potter doesn’t need to notice Draco fidgeting in his seat nor the air becoming tense as he just smiles. “Aren’t you excited for the baby?”

“No,” he decides to be honest. “Not really, the baby wasn’t exactly planned."

Potter frowns. “Neither is mine and Ginny's baby but we’re still excited and looking forward for it to come”

“Well i’m not Potter” Draco grumbles

“And I thought you couldn’t be more of a prat, you’re not excited for a poor innocent baby to come,” Potter scoffs, shaking his head. “If you didn’t want the baby you should have used protection”

“It’s not my fault”

“Yes it is, you should have been more careful”

Draco scoffs, tempted to tell Potter what really happened to be able to prove him wrong. Instead, he says “Well, it’s not like I can change things now, so i’m going to have to deal with it”

“At least tell me you’re going to look after it”

“No Potter,” Draco seriously says. “If i had it my way i would put this thing up for adoption, however mother won’t allow me”

“And she’s right!” Potter exclaims. “How dare you!” he yells, dark face becoming red with anger. “If you are going to be a wimp and can’t face up to the responsibilities of becoming a father you should have been more careful in the first place”

“Whatever Potter” Draco says but his heart starts to pound harder in his chest, nerves filling his stomach

“No, it’s not whatever,” Potter states. “This is an innocent baby, and you won’t be man enough to look after it, you don’t deserve it”

“Maybe not, but that won’t change things”

Potter scoffs shaking his head, nostrils flaring. “At least tell me it will be going to a good family, that you’ve taken that into consideration”

“My mother will take care of it”

“And you don’t want to have any contact? None at all?” Potter questions 

“No”

Potter shakes his head. “You’re pathetic Malfoy, absolutely pathetic”

Draco takes a deep breath. “You know what,” he starts, hurt, pain flowing across his chest. “Maybe I am pathetic, a horrible person, I can't help it,” he exclaims. “I should have died that day in the Fiendfyre, but of course fate is twisted and messed up”

“Malfoy…” Potter trails off staring at him

“No, leave me alone” Draco stands and stomps out of the cafe, Potter hot on his trail

“Malfoy!” Potter races after him. “Wait”

Draco whirls around and glares at Potter. “What, what do you want?” he exclaims.

“I just want you to explain, and tell me why, why do you think you’d be better off dead, is it because of the baby? It can’t be that bad can it”

Draco stares at Potter, his eyes are full of concern and worry. Draco lowers his gaze unable to keep contact with those fierce eyes. He takes a deep breath and shuts his eyes. “I--I was…” he trails off biting his lip, unable to say the words. “I can’t do this.” He turns around and apparates to his flat unaware that Potter grabbed his wrist at the same time he apparated and is now standing with Draco in his apartment

Draco hisses in pain at the pressure on his freshly cut arm and whirls around to see Potter glancing around the flat. Draco yanks his arm back and glares at Potter with wide eyes. “What did you do, why are you here?!” Draco yells 

Potter holds his hands up in defense. “I didn’t mean to”

Draco sighs. “Whatever, get out” he points to the door

“I’m worried about you Malfoy” 

Draco laughs, a bitter mocking laugh. “You? Worried about me?” he scoffs once more. “Don’t make me laugh”

“We may not have had the best relationship or past, but I don't hate you anymore”

“Well, guess what Potter, I hate you." Draco spits

Potter shakes his head. “No, hate is a strong word, besides if you hated me, you wouldn’t have spoken to me today in the cafe”

“Maybe I wanted to annoy you.“ Draco flushes 

Potter sighs. “But still, like I said, i’m worried, especially since you basically said you’d rather be dead right now,” he says. “What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong? What’s wrong?” Draco starts. “Well first, i was forced to do something i never wanted to do and now i’m stuck with the consequences, and i have a monster’s baby growing inside me and everyone keeps saying i’m being a horrible person for not wanting to be reminded of what happened” he exclaims, voice breaking and breath hitching slightly. 

Potter tilts his head, trying to piece everything together and once he’s pieced it together Potter snaps his head straight and stares at Draco with his mouth open in shock. “Wait a second, are you saying you were…” he trails off

Draco flops to the floor, hiding his head in his arms and pulling his knees to his chest. “Yes”

Potter sits besides Draco, careful not to touch him, but staying close so he can feel his presence. “Who was it?” Potter growls

Draco lifts his head up to see Potter’s nostrils flaring and jaw clenched. “Huh?” 

Potter turns his head to him and those fierce green eyes look at him dead in the eye. “Who did it?”

Draco opens his mouth to reply but shakes his head. He takes a deep breath. “The dark lord” he whispers 

Potter snaps his head to him. “What?!” 

Draco sighs. “The dark lord”

Potter stares at him. “You’re joking right? This is some sick joke”

“I wish it were”

“You’re telling me, that...that baby is...Voldemorts”

Draco nods. “Are you going to give me another lecture on why I should keep it”

Potter leans against the wall, fidgeting with his hands. “No,” he says. “I see why you don’t want anything to do with it now”

Draco sighs. “Please leave”

Potter stares at him. “No, you’re not okay, I can tell,” he says before standing up. “I’ll make us lunch, I’m a very good cook."

“Whatever” Draco whispers, too tired to fight him on this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments give me life


	8. Chapter 8

As Potter stands, a bug of some kind drops to the floor besides Draco which makes Draco screech shuffling away. Taking his shoe off, ignoring Potter’s worried “What’s wrong”, Draco goes to hit the beetle however it runs away quickly. Racing to keep up with it, Draco is about to hit it when a burst of magic explodes from around the beetle and it turns into a familiar woman

Draco stares in horror at the sight of Rita Skeeter sitting there staring at him as if she’s about to eat him. “So,” Skeeter says leaning in, reaching for her notepad and pen. “What’s this about you being pregnant with Voldemort's child?”

Heart pounding hard against his chest, Draco’s breath hitches and he finds it hard to breathe. Grasping his tightening chest, he tries to take deep breaths however it stops halfway as a burst of pain bursts from his chest each time he tries to breathe

He flinches as two firm hands grasp his shoulders but allows the hands to stay there, somehow they’re grounding him. Hearing a distant voice, Draco opens his eyes to see bright green eyes staring worriedly at him. 

“Malfoy!” the distant voice, he now distinguished as Potter, exclaims. “Take deep breaths”

“I-I can’t,” he croaks out. “I can’t!”

Potter lowers his head forcing Draco to look at him. “Everything will be alright, take deep breaths”

Draco shits his eyes not to look into Potter’s eyes, but tries to take deep breaths. Heart calming down, Draco takes a final deep breath before opening his eyes, jolting back when he sees Potter’s face so close to his. 

Draco sighs in relief when Potter leans back, away from being so close to his face. He glances around to find that Rita Skeeter is not in the room. “Where is she?” he bites his lip so hard blood comes out

“She left, I kicked her out.” Potter reassures 

Draco sighs, resting his head against the wall, looking up to the ceiling. “Great, just great” he mutters. “Now everyone is going to know what happened” he squints his eyes shut with a grimace 

“I spoke to her,” Potter says. “I made sure she won’t write anything about what happened or anything we spoke about”

Draco opens his eyes. “How?”

Potter scratches his neck with a sheepish smile. “I basically threatened her,” he says, making Draco furrow his eyebrows. Potter sighs. “But i’m not sure if she’ll listen, i’m sorry Malfoy."

Fire builds up in Draco’s chest. “This is all your fault Potter” he exclaims 

Potter backs up insulted. “What, how is it my fault”

“If you weren’t so stubborn and followed me, she wouldn’t have found out”

“I didn’t mean for that to happen”

Draco sighs, the fire dying down. “Whatever, there’s nothing we can do now”

Potter looks at Draco carefully. “What are we going to do about it?”

“We?”

“Yes, we,” Potter says firmly. “I refuse to leave you alone in this”

“Why Potter?” Draco sighs pulling his knees to his chest. “After everything I've done to you and your friends, I mean I'm a bloody death eater for crying out loud.” He holds his arm out, which is covered by his long sleeve jumper, to further prove his point. 

“No,” Potter says. “You’re not a death eater, you had no choice. And we may not have had the best past, but I plan on changing that, i don’t want to be enemies with you anymore Malfoy”

“I don’t know Potter,” Draco says. “How do we change that”

Potter smiles slightly. “Well, we can start by calling each other by our first names”

“You never wanted to be my friend, why now”

“You were a prat, still are to be honest, but I’m not as closed-minded as i was before, i want us to at least not fight every time we see each other”

“Fine”

“So Draco,” Potter says, making Draco blush, him saying his name sounding like music to his ears. “Shall we get started on lunch” he reaches his hand out for Draco to take 

“Sure P--Harry” Draco grasps his hand allowing Potter--no, Harry to help him stand up to his feet.

Draco is searching for the pasta as Harry rambles on about anything and everything he can think of to fill the deafening silence which threatens to overcome. As Harry is slicing the onions, he curses through blurry eyes as the sizzling of the minced meat starts to get higher indicating it’s almost burning. He’s about to turn around when he spots Draco stirring the meat, making the sizzling die down

Harry smiles. “So,” he starts. “Tell me something."

“Like what?”

“About yourself”

Draco pours the pasta into the boiling water. “What do you want to know?”

“Anything”

Draco blinks. “I’m going to Eighth year of Hogwarts”

“That’s not something about yourself”

“I beg to differ, it’s something about me”

Harry rolls his eyes. “Whatever,” he says. “I’m going too, so is Hermione and Ron."

Draco bites his lip. “Is that so”

“You got a problem with that?” Harry side-eyes him

“What,” Draco blinks. “Of course not,” he says. “I’m just thinking they may not be happy to have me there”

Harry looks at Draco carefully. “You’ve never cared about what people thought about you before, why do you care now”

“I guess people change”

“You shouldn’t care about what people think”

“That’s easier said than done” Draco scowls 

Harry sighs. “I know you don’t want to talk about it,” he says watching as Draco winces and shuts his eyes. Harry fiddles with his hands. “But what are you going to do when everyone finds out that you’re pregnant with Voldemort's child”

Draco winces and squints his eyes further shut. “I don’t want to think about it”

“Skeeter is probably writing the papers as we speak,” Harry says. “I know you don’t want to think about it, and you have every right, but you must think about what you’re going to do next, you must think about your safety first and--”

“--I know!” Draco cuts him off, he then sighs, shaking his head. “I know okay”

“So,” Harry says, stirring the pasta. “What do you plan on doing?”

“Well, I can't keep living here that’s for sure since Skeeter now knows where I live,” he says. “Maybe I’ll move back in with mother at the manor, but she’s so overbearing and makes me constantly think about the baby when i just want to forget this thing exists”

Harry hums. “Maybe find another place”

“Honestly, I just want to eat and go to sleep and forget that this all happened”

Harry turns to him. “That’s your problem Malfoy, you don’t face your problems, you run away from them, you must face them”

“How!” Draco exclaims. “What would you do if it were the other way around!” 

Harry sighs, lowering his head in shame. “I don’t know what I would do”

“Exactly,” Draco says, mixing the mince and sauce together with the pasta before turning to Harry and crossing his arms. “So don’t judge me on my choices” 

“I am not” Harry states

“Yes you were, you just said I'm running away from my problems."

“Which is true”

“It is not.” Draco shoves his arms down

“Whatever helps you sleep at night” Harry sasses

Draco scoffs. 

Once the food is done, Draco dishes up for both of them a huge amount of spaghetti bolognese. He hands it over to Harry who looks at him with wide blown eyes. “That is a lot of food” he comments 

Draco rolls his eyes. “If you don’t want to eat that much, then not eat it all”

Potter points to his plate of food. “Are you going to eat that much”

“So what if I am, what’s it to you”

Harry raises his hands in defense. “Hey, just saying that it’s a lot of food”

Making his way to the dining table with Potter, Draco sits and starts to eat his food along with Harry, Chatting every so often about random things which soon turn to hushed bickering before starting a new subject and repeating the cycle. Once done, Draco goes to wash the dishes and Harry follows. 

“You know,” Harry says, grabbing a towel to dry off the dishes Draco is washing. “You could move in with me, Ron and Hermione”

Draco stares at him. “Huh?”

Harry shrugs. “I mean i’d have to talk to them first but i’m sure once they find out what happened they wouldn’t mind”

“I don’t need your pity Potter” Draco growls

“I’m not giving you any, i’m just being nice."

“Why? I don’t deserve your kindness, especially after everything i’ve done and what my family has done”

“Because,” Harry starts. “I know that you don’t have a lot of support in your life right now, and you’re going through a rough time”

Draco shakes his head. “Saint Potter” he mumbles

Harry crosses his arms. “Well, if you don’t want my help, then i’ll just go then shall i”

Draco frowns. “Look, I appreciate the offer but I know i won’t be welcome there, and i won’t stay where i’m not welcome”

“Is that why you live in the muggle world?”

“Yes”

“Draco,” Potter says. “I’ll talk to them and we’ll see how things go, I can't promise that if you do live with us that it will go smoothingly, but it will only be for a few weeks before going to Hogwarts”

Draco sighs. “Okay, whatever, but I swear if i get one bit of pity from any of them and I'll leave”

“Just be glad i’m offering a place for you to stay."

“Right”

“Well,” Potter glances to the time. “I’d better get going, will you be alright?”

“I’ll be alright, I'm going to sleep, try to forget this all happened for a bit”

“Yeah, good luck with that” Harry says

As Harry leaves, Draco makes his way to the bedroom and flops onto the bed and allows darkness to take over him.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the comments and kudos, they made my day. Also please beware of triggers

Draco jolts awake as a crash echoes across the flat. Fumbling for his wand, heart pounding, he throws the blanket off him and tiptoes towards the door of his room and slowly but carefully opens it, peeking his head through

Spotting a figure within the darkness, his heart strikes against his chest. 

“Stupify!” Draco bellows, a flash of red magic lighting up the room and racing to hit the figure only for it to hit a white shield instead. Before Draco could conjure another spell, a familiar voice yells “Draco!” 

Draco’s eyes widen. “Mother…”

“And what was the meaning of that?!” She whirls around to him crossing her arms 

“I thought you were an intruder,” he lets out a breath of relief. “You can’t just walk into my home like that mother, you must knock at the very least”

“I did knock,” she says.”But you’re right, i shouldn’t have come in like that, especially this early in the morning but i just got The Daily Prophet and,” she takes a deep hitched breath. “They know”

Draco squints his eyes shut, his heart pounding against his chest. He drops to the ground and pulls his knees to his chest, breath hitching. “No no no no no,” he mumbles to himself. “No!” he slams his fists and hides his face in his arms to hide the tears streaming down his face.

Narcissa kneels before her son and takes his hands into her own and gives them a tight squeeze. “Take deep breaths darling, please,” she soothes, kissing the crown of Draco’s head. “Everything will be alright”

“H-How do you know that?” Draco slowly lifts his head, trying to take deep breaths but each breath is hitched and cuts off halfway

Narcissa takes Draco’s face into her hands, cupping his cheeks. “Because,” she starts. “You’re strong and i know you can get through this”

“I can’t, i can’t, i can’t” he chants

“Look at me,” Narcissa says firmly, lowering her head when Draco’s gaze lowers, trying to force Draco to look into her eyes. “Look at me,” she repeats one more. Once Draco slowly lifts his gaze to look at her, Narcissa takes a deep breath. “You are so strong my darling,” she says. “I know things are hard but you can get through this”

“What if i can’t” he cries

Narcissa holds his face harder. “Yes you can, you are stronger than you’ll ever know. Not many can go what you go through and still be here”

For a moment Draco is silent, just staring at her, tears streaming down his cheeks. “You’re wrong,” he finally whispers, shaking his head. “You’re wrong”

“I am not wrong, especially not about this” Narcissa insists 

Draco is shaking, his whole body trembling. “You are,” he says. “At least wrong about me, all my life you were wrong about me”

“Stop this talk Draco,” she squints her eyes shut. “Please, you’re all i have, don’t talk like this”

“I love you mother,” he sends a watery smile. “You’re the best mother someone could ask for”

“Why does this feel like...like…some sort of goodbye”

“Because it is”

Narcissa blinks. “Excuse me”

Draco shakes his head. “Please, just let me go”

“Excuse me,” she says. “No i will not, Draco you’re all i have, please, don’t talk like this”

Draco takes a deep breath, shaking his head. “I just can’t do this anymore”

“You can get through this,” Narcissa cups Draco's face once again, tears swelling in her own eyes as she looks at her son and sees how much he’s hurting. “Darling i’m so sorry about everything i put you through, just please be strong, if not for yourself then for me, i can’t live without you”

Draco wipes his tears with a sniffle. “Okay” he whispers. 

Through a watery smile, Narcissa helps Draco onto his feet and yanks him into a tight hug. Being swayed side to side, Draco squints his eyes shut grasping onto his mother as if it’s the last thing he’ll do. With a tight nod to himself Darco wipes his tears and pulls away from his mother. 

“Let’s watch some telly?” 

Draco shakes his head. “I’m going to sleep some more”

Narcissa nods. “I’m going to watch some vv”

Draco smiles despite everything. “It’s TV”

“Whatever”

As Draco makes his way to his bedroom and flops onto the bed, his mind is whirling with thoughts, unable to sleep. He grunts and lays back onto the bed with a thump. He stares at the ceiling. Thinking. Draco’s heartaches.

Why does he keep living? What is keeping him going? He has nothing except maybe his mother. But he just can’t do this  
.  
Draco races towards the bathroom before slowly shutting the door and locking it

He places a hand over his mouth to muffle the silent sobs. Tears streaming down his face.

Why?

Why?

Why?

He opens the tap for the bath and allows it to run

He takes a deep breath and fumbles to find a razer, knocking over things in the process and having things fall to the floor. He freezes like a deer in the headlights as he holds his breath to hear if his mother noticed but he just hears the TV loudly play.

After a few minutes, Draco breathes softly and falls to the floor bringing his knees to his chest and resting his head over them, trying to make himself look as small as possible

He clenches his hand into a fist and places it in his mouth trying to drown out the sobs while he bites into his hand.

He slowly stands up and stares into the mirror, his rough reflection staring back. His hair is ruffled and his eyes are bloodshot red. Tears slowly stream down his face.

Taking a deep breath he glances across the open cabinets and looks for the razer. Spotting it, he pulls down his sleeve and removes the bandage, revealing his scratched and cut arm. Long cuts are scattered across his wrist, the deep cuts burning against his skin as blood slowly seeps out.

Cutting

It’s like an itch that needs to be scratched

Draco closes the tap and lays into the bath, the warm water like a soothing soft hug

He grips tightly onto the raver and places it over the top of his wrist, where his veins lay. He knows what he’s doing, he knows that this could kill him, but he doesn’t care, in fact, he wants it to. With a hiss, he digs the razer deep into his skin and slides it across his wrist. A burning sharp pain escalates through him, across his back and wrist. He gasps for air, hissing blood gushes out of him.

He shakily moves the razer to his other hand and does the same to his left wrist. His vision goes blurry before he sees all black

-

After watching a movie, Narcissa decides to check on Draco. She opens the door to his bedroom to find his room empty. She knocks on the bathroom door and she grasps the doorknob and attempts to open the door only to find it locked. “Draco, darling,” she says. “Are you in there?”

Not hearing a response, she hits the door harder. “Draco!” she pounds a fist on the door. “Draco this is not funny, open the door!” she exclaims, banging it.

It just won’t open

“Alohomora” she conjures before her eyes blow wide in horror at the scene in front of her

Dracos lifeless body lying in a pool of blood in the bathtub

Narcissa curses and sprints towards Draco, pulling her son's cold body out of the bath and checking his pulse. Her heart shatters as she stares at the cuts across Dracos's arm, some new, some old.

‘How long has he been doing this?’ Narcissa wonders rapidly

Narcissa focuses on Draco, checking his pulse once again

It’s slow

There

But slow

She apparates to St. Mungos, heart pounding against her chest. 

"Help!" she screeches to the healers. 

The healers come rushing to her. "What happened?" one asks

"He did this to himself" Narcissa cries

"We need to heal the wounds and possibly give him more blood, he's pregnant isn't he?" the healer says 

Narcissa nods before watching as they take Draco away. “Why Draco why” she sobs to herself as he’s taken away by healers


	10. Chapter 10

Draco blinks his eyes open to see a bright light shining across his eyes and pain flaring up from his stomach to his chest. Squinting his eyes from the brightness, he rubs them and carefully fumbles around to sit up. He glances around the room and notices his surroundings and the squeaky clean smell to tell that he’s in the hospital

“Draco!” a voice exclaims

Draco glances to the Pansy. “Pansy,” he says before glancing around once more. “Why am i here?”

Before Draco could think twice, the door slams open with a loud bang as it hits the wall.

When Narcissa spots that Draco is awake, she stomps towards him. “You better explain right now,” her low voice exclaims. “Explain why i found you nearly dead in the bathroom, why you have all those old and new cuts across your wrists, go on explain” she growls slightly

Pansy sends her a look. “Mrs Malfoy, please calm down” 

“How do you expect me to calm down when Draco did something like this, how are you so calm?!”

“Someone has to be” is merely her response. 

Narcissa huffs

Draco bites his lip. “I just wanted everything to stop” 

Narcissa sighs running a hand through her hair. “W-Why… why did you do this, why did you do this?”

“I wanted everything to stop” he slowly says

Narcissa inhales deeply, shaking her head looking up.

Draco shuts his eyes. “...I just wanted it all to stop…” he ends up saying, not really knowing what to say other than that or ‘sorry’

Narcissa catches herself and yells “What about the fact that you didn’t tell us you self harm?!” she exclaims, still angry. “If i didn’t check up on you, you’d be dead” she says 

Draco starts to shuffle off the bed before Narcissa and Pansy could stop him. 

“Where do you think you’re going?” Narcissa grips Draco’s shoulders and pulls him back onto the bed

“I don’t plan on staying here” Draco states

Pansy scoffs and Narcissa sighs. “You have to, they are going to watch over you for a while”

Draco groans leaning back as the healer walks towards them. “Ah, I see you’ve awakened Draco”

“Clearly” Draco says

Narcissa slaps his shoulder at his rude comment. 

The healer starts asking a bunch of questions with a small patient smile and Draco answers

“Right, and how long have you been self-harming?” 

Draco flushes. “Do you have to know?”

Narcissa and Pansy stare down at him. “Answer the man” Narcissa says curious at how long this has been going on, and she can see right through Draco if he lies

Draco lowers his head fiddling with his hands. “Since the sixth year” he whispers

Pansy and Narcissa stare at him in shock. Narcissa looks at Draco and sees he’s not lying. How could she have not known or noticed her son was doing this, she’s supposed to be observant, how could he miss that her baby was in so much pain that he had to resort to this

The healer nods and notes it down. “Well, I’m sure you’re aware that you’ll have to be watched over for a while”

Draco sighs

The healer sends a tight smile. “We checked on the baby and the baby is also doing fine”

“Great” Draco mutters

The healer walks away and Pansy turns to Draco. “Since sixth year?!” she exclaims, her voice laced with pain. “How could I not have noticed”

“I was very good at hiding it”

“So all those long sleeves in summer…” she says realization hitting him

The hints were all there 

The long sleeves

The not wanting to wear tops

The not wanting to go clothes shopping

Narcissa stares at Draco. “Why didn’t you tell us?”

Draco shrugs. “...I couldn’t”

“Why?”

“I just couldn’t”

Narcissa sighs fiddling with her hands. “Here.” she hands out a neatly wrapped small box

“What’s this?”

“I was going to give it to you for Christmas, but i thought i should give it to you early”

“I don’t want anything” Draco crosses his arms

“Just take it” 

With a sigh, Draco allows his mother to place the gift in his hands. He fumbles and feels it, before gently peeling off the sellotape and pulling the small fabric box out. He opens it and feels it to be a pendant with the outline of two dragons on the side of a large silver M in the middle

“How did you find it, i thought i lost it…” he trails off 

“I found it hidden away at the manor,” she says, watching him carefully. “Do you hate it?”

“No” he softly says

As he fumbles to click the piece together, Draco bites his lip until the pendant is clipped around his neck. He fumbles with the pendant, trailing his hands over the outlines of the M. “Thank you” he smiles

Narcissa smiles but before she could say anything the door opens to reveal a man with silky white-blond hair and familiar grey eyes. He walks in with his hands cuffed together with a red magical seal, and two Aurors on either side of him holding his arms.

Pansy whirls around to spot the familiar man entering the room. Narcissa’s eyes widen at the sight of Lucius before them 

“What…” Pansy trails off

Draco’s eyes darken. “What are you doing here?” he spits

“My son…” Lucius trails off at the sight of a broken Draco, a bandage around Draco's arms showing the cuts and his stomach bulge slightly swollen. “What happened?”

Noticing Draco shifting in his seat and fiddling with his hands, Pansy coughs and tries to think of something different to talk about. “How are you even here? Aren’t you meant to be in Azkaban” she questions before narrowing her eyes. “How did you even know we’re here?” she asks 

“I, er,” he stammers. “I heard the news. And they allowed me to visit Draco since he... you know”

“And what now,” Pansy says. “Just because Draco is pregnant with the dark lord's baby you want something to do with him--”

“--Pansy!” Narcissa exclaims

“What, it would be to his advantage, he would gain even more respect and power by the death eaters, thinking that they’ll have a new dark lord”

“That’s not true Miss Parkinson,” Lucius narrows his eyes. “They are my family, i would never do that and that’s not what i think”

“Not even for power?” Draco narrows his eyes. “Everyone does something for power”

“I don’t care about that, at least not anymore”

“Whatever,” Draco sighs. “Now that everyone found out, i have to constantly be on edge and worried that about my safety”

Lucius glances at his son and gracefully sits on a chair. “What happened, son?” he stares at him carefully. “Why did you do what you did? How are you even pregnant with the dark lord's baby?”

Narcissa glares at Lucius, bringing a hand up, and draws her hand across her throat in a throat-cutting gesture. “Let’s talk outside” she says out with a pointed look

As they walk into the semi-empty corridor, Narcissa shuts the door behind and glances around to see everyone in their own world of worry as their heads are slumped down or whispering to the healer. 

“What happened? Why did Draco try to kill himself?!” Lucius exclaims voice laced with pain

Narcissa shushes him with a hiss and wide eyes before glancing around. She turns her hard gaze towards Lucius. “What happened is none of your business”

“I’m your husband and Draco is my son, that makes it my business”

“I nearly lost Draco, my son, my dragon,” she feels tears swell up in her eyes. “I was too overbearing and controlling,” she says. “If Draco doesn’t trust you and doesn’t want anything to do with you, then I’m not telling you anything,” she slowly steps closer. “And you’re not going to ask Draco any more questions if you want to see the light of dawn tomorrow”

Lucius swallows a thick stream of saliva which is stuck in his throat. “Okay, you don’t have to tell me anything and I won't ask further questions to any of you,” he holds his hands up. “I just don’t want to lose you all again” 

“Play your cards right and you won’t” Narcissa states before turning around and strolling back into the room

Lucius squints his eyes shut before taking a big breath and walking back into the room

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are greatly appreciated :)


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the bookmarks, comments, and kudos!

The next day Draco flutters his eyes open and wakes up with a groan, a stab of sharp pain flaring on his back and arms. He sits up, with a deep frown, eyes squinting shut from the bright lights shining in the room. He glances at his surroundings to see he’s in the hospital

“So it wasn’t a dream” he mutters to himself.

He flops back with a sigh, stomach grumbling and growling. 

“Good morning” a voice greets

Draco grunts in response, wincing as his back and arms continue to act up.

The healer frowns and crosses her arms. “Didn’t your mother teach you it’s bad manners to not greet people when they greet you”

Draco narrows his eyes. “Good morning” he grits out

The healer scoffs. “Disgusting death eater” she mutters to herself making Draco’s heart stop for a moment. He shuts his eyes to soothe out the pain flaring through him inside and out. Of course, why did he expect people to think differently?

The healer turns to him. “You know if i had it my way, i wouldn’t treat you nor care less if you kill yourself again, you and that disgusting baby don’t deserve it”

Draco squints his eyes further shut, however stays quiet and doesn’t respond as the healer continues to ramble on about him. It’s not until he hears a cough that he snaps his eyes open to see Potter standing at the door with a deep frown upon his face.

The healer’s ramble snaps to a stop as she tries to stutter out apologies to Potter who says something however Draco’s breathing hitches and his surroundings sound far away and like he’s drowning underwater. 

Once the healer leaves, Draco finds his breath, and takes deep breaths, in and out. He then looks to Harry. “What are you doing here Potter?” he then looks at what Harry has in his hands. “And why did you bring flowers?” he scrunches his face

A hard red blush creeps upon Potter's dark face. “It’s for you, from us, for you to, er, get better”

“Us?”

“Ron, Hermione, and i” Potter says 

Draco blinks. “W-What? Why? Huh?” he stutters out

“I spoke to them by the way, they’re willing to allow you to live with us as long as you’re not a prat”

Draco scoffs. “And how much convincing did it take”

“That doesn’t matter”

Draco rolls his eyes as Potter sits on a chair besides Draco’s bed. A soft silence looms over them. “So,” Draco starts. “You’re not going to ask me questions, like why”

“No,” Harry says. “If you’ll want me to know, you’ll tell me in your own time”

Draco blinks. “Oh,” he says, somewhat thankful. “By the way how did you know I was here?” he questions before all the colour from his face drains away. “Don’t tell me they published in the news what i did already”

Harry shakes his head. “No, at least not yet” he says only for Draco to cross his arms with a “Not helping Potter”. Harry sighs “I went to your flat to tell you that you can move in, and i found your mother there and she told me what happened”

“Oh,” Draco says. “And are you going to yell at me too”

“No, i understand why you did that, if i were in your shoes i don’t know what i’d do either, or if i’d get to that point, but i probably couldn’t considering all the people who died for me in the war, i can’t let them down or have their deaths be in vain by giving up”

“Savior complex, survivors guilt” Draco states

Harry sighs. “Yeah, something like that”

“No, it’s exactly that”

“And you have depression, Draco” Harry says softly. 

Silence fills the air

It’s not until a different healer to the other walks into the room with a tight smile. “So Mr Malfoy,” he starts. “I have bad news”

Draco frowns. “What is it?”

“Would you care to leave Mr Potter” the healer turns to Harry

Draco shakes his head, stopping Harry from leaving. “No you can say it in front of him”

“Okay,” the healer says. “Well, the board spoke to us, and we can’t treat you and you can’t come back to St Mungo’s ever again”

Harry sits up from where he’s sat with a deep frown. “What why?” 

“We can’t treat death eaters”

Harry jumps to a stand. “He’s not a death eater”

Draco holds a hand out to Harry. “It’s okay, calm down”

“No,” Harry states. “I won’t ‘calm down’, this is not fair”

“Life’s not fair” Draco says

The healer sighs. “I’m sorry but as long as he has the dark mark, he can’t be treated here, neither can the baby, who also happens to be he who must not be named’s baby Mr Potter, that is dangerous and we can’t risk it”

“This is insane” Harry mutters 

“Gather your things Mr Malfoy, you are discharged” the healer says before leaving the room as Harry yells “Cowards!”

“Potter!” Draco hisses. “Just leave it” he says as he gets off the bed

“This is not right, how the hell are you so calm”

“I saw it coming, i’m not allowed nearly everywhere in the wizarding world, so i saw it coming, it was only a matter of time”

“I will not stand for this” Potter states

Draco sighs. “Then sit”

Potter huffs but before he could say anything, Draco slowly gets off the bed, revealing his swollen belly bump. Harry goes to help Draco but Draco shoves him away saying “I’m not a china doll, i don’t need your help”

Harry rolls his eyes, but steps away watching as Draco gets off the bed and reaches for his own clothes that lay on a chair. 

Harry feels Draco’s glare on him. “What?” he questions with a frown

“I'm going to get changed, leave or turn around”

“Oh, right” Harry whirls around to face the wall, biting his lips as he hears shuffling behind him from Draco getting changed. The urge to turn around is high but Harry knows he can’t and shouldn’t as it would invade his privacy 

Once the shuffling stops and Draco says “I’m done, you can turn around now”, Harry slowly turns back around to face Draco sending him a small tight smile before it falters slightly. “You know, we should appeal against this, this is not fair and--”

“--No,” Draco states. “I’m not doing anything, and you’re not going to do anything either”

“I do what i want, if i want to help you, i’ll do just that” Harry states 

“And why are you so determined to help me Potter?”

Harry bites his lip in thought. “I don’t know, i just don’t like people getting hurt or being treated unfairly”

“But i’m your enemy” 

“No,” Harry says firmly. “At least not anymore, and i want to help you, you clearly need help and no one else is willing to give you any, so here i am”

“I’m not some lost puppy who needs saving Potter, i don’t need your pity, and i especially don’t need you or anyone else” Draco states

Harry rolls his eyes. “Right, because you’re handling things so well” he sarcastically says 

Draco huffs and shoves past Harry, silently stomping out of the room 

Harry jolts and races after him. “Wait!” he yells across the corridor. 

Draco whirls to a stop and turns around with his jaw clenched. “Could you yell any louder” 

“I could but I probably shouldn’t” Harry says

Draco rolls his eyes. “Right, and what do you want?”

“I want to take you home”

Draco furrows his eyebrows. “Huh?” he says. 

A hard blush creeps upon Harry’s cheeks. “Wait, no--I mean, let me make sure you get home safely”

Draco scoffs. “I don’t need someone to watch over me, i can take care of myself”

“Just let me help you Draco”

Draco sighs, too tired to fight him on this. “Sure whatever”

Once they’re outside St Mungo’s, Harry wraps his arm around Draco’s, linking their arms together before apparating into Draco’s flat. With their arms still linked, they spot Narcissa flinch and jolt whirling around to them before letting out a breath.

Narcissa furrows her eyebrows. “They already discharged you Draco? But they said they were going to watch over you”

Harry huffs. “They don’t want to look over a death eater”

Narcissa frowns. “My son is not a death eater Mr Potter”

“I know that, I mean that’s what they said. I told them that he’s not, but they refuse to listen,” he states. “They also won’t allow the baby to be treated there either”

Narcissa’s face turns slightly red with fury. “I’m going there right now and i’m going to give them a piece of my mind, how dare they not look over or treat my son when he needs it” she says as she’s about to apparate but Draco exclaiming “Don’t!” stops her in her tracks

“Don’t,” Draco says again. “Please, i don't want to cause any trouble”

“Tough, as your mother I refuse for you to be treated like dirt” Narcissa states pacing around the room

“Well as your son, i’m begging you that you please don’t say anything or go there and just leave things be”

Harry sighs. “I will talk to--”

“--No, no talking,” Draco cuts him off. “Just leave things alone”

“Draco,” Narcissa softly says. “Please, I just want to help, I want the best for you,” she says before looking at Harry. “I’m sure Mr Potter does as well”

Harry nods. “I do”

“I know…” Draco trails off. “I know...but please, for me, just leave things be just this once”

Harry looks to Narcissa and sends a small shrug. Narcissa sighs. “Fine whatever, but what are you going to do since you can’t ever be treated there again” she questions

Draco shrugs. “There’s always the muggle world”

Narcissa winces. “Not that i don’t trust them, but what if you need magical needs”

Harry blinks remembering something. “There’s always the new wizarding hospital they’re building, i’m the one funding it and it was my idea, and i won’t allow Draco to not be treated there if he needs it”

Narcissa stares at Harry. “Thank you Mr Potter”

“You don’t have to thank me for being a decent human being”

Narcissa smiles. “Well, we appreciate it”

“Well,” Draco says. “I’m going to go pack i guess”

Narcissa furrows her eyebrows. “Pack?”

“Oh i’m moving in with Potter and his friends since it’s not safe to stay here since Skeeter knows I live here” Draco says 

“Right, wouldn’t it be better to move in with me?” Narcissa says before looking at Harry. “No offense Mr Potter, but Draco needs to be looked over and he’s not safe to look after himself after what he did”

Draco bites his lip. He doesn’t want to move in with his mother as she will be overbearing and won’t leave him alone. He’s about to say something but Harry beats him to it

“I understand Mrs Malfoy,” Harry says. “But there will be three of us and we will look after him, we won’t allow him to harm himself, and part of recovery is also having alone time and being with friends”

“You’re friends with my son?” Narcissa looks at him with a hard look 

Harry gulps under her hard gaze, but answers honestly. “I will hope one day we will be”

Narcissa nods. “Okay fine, but if something happens…”

“They won’t” Harry reassures her 

Narcissa nods and looks at Draco who is looking at Harry gratefully. “Draco, do you want help packing”

“No need mother”

“Okay, i’ll be on my way then” Narcissa leaves with a final strong look to Harry which says ‘Look after him’ to which Harry nods in response

Draco gets packing and once he’s done, he apparates with Potter to his house


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, it took a while to update, things have been hectic around the holidays, thanks for waiting and baring with me. Thanks for all the comments, they makem my day

“Harry!” Hermione greets as Harry and Draco apparate into the living room

Ron jolts from where he’s sitting on the sofa watching TV. “Jeez, mate, you made me jump” he exclaims, turning around only to frown slightly at Draco’s presence. “Malfoy”

“Weasley,” Draco nods before turning to Hermione. “Granger”

“Malfoy” Hermione holds her hand out for him to shake to which he does with a tight smile

Draco looks around the flat. The walls are painted a warm cream colour with pictures hung up of the golden trio and their other friends. TV in the middle of the room with a black sofa in front with two arm chairs besides it. Like Draco’s flat the kitchen and sitting room are connected together.

Draco sighs. “Thank you for having me,” he finally speaks. “You have a nice home”

“Not too poor for you Malfoy?” Ron sasses

“I also lived in a muggle flat like this Weasley” Draco responds 

“Whatever” 

The air grows thicker and an looming silence glooms over them. 

“Right,” Hermione coughs. “You’ll be sharing with Harry since we only have two bedrooms” she states not asking whether it’s okay or not.

Draco nods. “At least tell me we don’t have to share a bed” he attempts at humour.

Harry winces. “Well, it was very unexpected and we didn’t expect you to come so early, so technically yeah we do,” he says. “But before you can say anything i don’t like this more than you do”

Draco tilts his head as a sudden thought hits him. “And are you two,” he points to Ron and Hermione. “Sleeping in the same room, wait are you two together?” 

“So what about it Malfoy” Ron narrows his eyes

“Nothing just wondering” 

Harry coughs. “Hermione can you show Draco to our room”

“Er sure,” she says. “Need help with the bags?” 

“No need Granger” he swishes his wand and levitates the bags before following Hermione through the hallways.

Harry turns to Ron and sits besides him on the sofa. “Be nicer mate”

“Nice? With Malfoy? Please” Ron scoffs 

“He’s been through a lot, just cut him some slack”

Ron sighs standing up. “Fine, but if he starts being a git then i won’t hold back”

“Fine”

Once Hermione and Draco return, Hermione sits besides Ron on the sofa and wraps her arms around him into a snuggling cuddle as they watch a cooking show on the TV. Harry stares at Draco who’s standing shuffling his feet and staring awkwardly at the ground. 

“You can sit you know Draco” Harry says with a chuckle

“Er right” he says before sitting gracefully in one of the armchairs forcing his eyes on the TV, trying to ignore the stare from Hermione

Having enough of the stare, Draco turns to stare back at her, making flinch and move her gaze but Draco doesn’t stop there. “Is there anything i can help you with Granger” he questions 

“Oh er, no, sorry for staring” she says 

“Why are you staring at Malfoy” Ron narrows his eyes

Hermione sighs. “I was just thinking and wondering, but it’s nothing”

Draco tilts his head. “No, say what you were thinking”

Hermione scratches her neck and shakes her head. “Really it’s nothing--”

“--If we’re going to tolerate each other then we should at least not hide anything, if you have grudges or want to say something, then say it” Draco states

Hermione sighs. “I was just wondering…” she starts. “Er, how far along are you?”

Draco narrows his eyes. “That’s not what you were going to ask”

“I thought twice and it’s best not to ask”

“Why?” Draco questions 

Ron wraps an arm protectively around Hermione and stares Draco down. “Just leave it Malfoy, she doesn’t want to ask you anything”

“Fine, whatever, I'm tired, can I go to bed?” Draco asks standing up 

Harry nods. “Yeah, of course”

“What about lunch? You’re not going to help us make it, we’re not your slaves” Ron says 

Harry glares at Ron. “It’s fine, it’s my turn to make it, and I don't need anyone's help,” he says before looking at Draco. “Go rest”

Draco gives a single nod to each of them before making his way to the bedroom and flopping onto the bed with a deep sigh, allowing his consciousness to drift away. 

-

Orange flames and dark smoke overcomes his vision 

A stab of white pain flaring though him

The dark lords mocking voice echoing across his mind

His dirty hands touching him

Draco startles awake as he flinches away from a touch on his shoulder. “Please don’t do this” he exclaims, pulling his knees to his chest rocking back and forward

“Malfoy, it’s me, Hermione” a soft voice says and lets go of his shoulder

Draco peers over his arms to see confused brown eyes softly staring at him. “Oh” is all Draco says glancing around the room to see he’s safe as memories return to him, that he’s in Potters house

Hermione looks at him carefully. “Are you okay?” 

“Fine, just a nightmare” Draco coughs to try and hide his embarrassment 

“Do you want to talk about it, sometimes talking helps” Hermione says 

Draco shakes his head. “No, i just want to forget”

“But clearly trying to forget is not helping if you have constant nightmares--i can tell as you have dark circles under your eyes. I talk about my nightmares and it helps”

“How can i know you’re not going to just laugh at me, or mock me”

“I wouldn’t do that Malfoy”

Draco lowers his gaze still not convinced 

Hermione sighs. “I have nightmares of the war, watching people be killed and die right in front of my eyes, and the time Bellatrix tortured me, or when i thought Harry died, i have nightmares that he’s still dead, that i’m still in the war”

Draco stares at her. “Why are you telling this?”

“Well i thought it would help”

“Why do you care though” Draco questions 

“Because Harry cares, and i guess you have changed and i would like us to start over”

Draco stares at her and sees she’s genuine. “I would like that too” he says

“Do you want to talk about the nightmare?” 

Draco sighs. “You wouldn’t want to know, it’s very...i don’t know, it’s touchy”

“I promise not to laugh or anything”

“Well, always about the time when I was stuck in the fiendfyre, the smoke, everything. And then it’s about the time the dark lord...you know…”

“...Raped you?”

Draco gulps. “Er yeah, that”

“You may have been a huge vile prat, but you didn’t deserve that, you don’t deserve that” Hermione says

“Right”

“Have you thought of seeing someone?”

“I’m not ready for a relationship Granger”

“I mean a therapist”

“Oh,” he says. “No, i’ll be fine”

“Malfoy, you self harm and are suicidal, you need professional help”

“So do you if you get those nightmares” Draco bites back

Hermione huffs. “Well if you must know, i am seeing someone, a therapist and believe me, it helps a lot”

“I don’t know”

“Just think about it,” she stands. “Come on lunch is ready”

Draco gets off the bed and makes his way to the dining room with Granger in tow. 

“Finally,” Ron says. “What took you guys so long”

“Malfoy is a heavy sleeper” Hermione says 

Draco sends her a thankful smile that she didn’t tell them the real reason

Ron narrows his eyes. “Right…”

Draco rolls his eyes. “No need to be jealous Weasley, I’m gay”

“Whatever, I’ve still got my eye on you Malfoy” Ron says

“Come on, let’s eat” Harry says placing a big pot on the table 

Sitting down, Draco serves himself the food and waits for everyone to be dished up before eating his food. The air is looming over them. Once done, Draco offers to wash the dishes but Hermione says it’s her turn and that it will be his turn next time. 

“I'm going back to bed, im very tired” Draco says

“You didn’t even do anything to be tired” Ron says 

He tries to resist rolling his eyes. “I’m pregnant, Weasley” he says, ignoring Ron's small “Oh”. Draco goes to bed and lays down staring at nothing before shutting his eyes attempting to sleep once again


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year!!!!  
> Sorry it took me forever to upload a new chapter, things have been hectic

Draco walks into the sitting room with a sigh. Ron and Harry are setting up to play some chess while Hermione is getting dinner ready. He walks towards Hermione and stirs the rice and vegetables together. Hermione sends him a tight smile

“So,” Draco starts. “Is there anything i should know about you guys or any rules that you want to enforce”

Hermione blinks. “Just don’t be vile or a git and we’re good”

“Got it,” Draco says before turning around to face Hermione, who’s next to him, and Ron and Harry who are at the table playing chess. “Thank you for allowing me to stay here, i...er, i appreciate it” he says loud enough for them all to hear

“No problem Draco” Harry says, sending him a small smile.

Ron huffs. “Not that we had much choice with Harry’s constantly whining about wanting you to stay” 

Draco raises an eyebrow at Harry as Harry sputters and chokes on his own spit. “I do NOT whine” Harry exclaims

Hermione chuckles as Ron says “Yeah you do mate”

Before Harry could start an argument with Ron about it, Draco cuts in saying “Whatever happened, i’m thankful and im your debt for allowing me to stay”

Ron scoffs. “Cut the official crap Malfoy, just don’t be a prat or a git and we’re even”

“Are you sure--” Drac starts only to be cut of by Ron

“--We’re sure, besides it’s not safe for you to be out there alone, there are people looking for you, you know” Ron says only to furrow his eyebrows at a pointed look Hermione and Harry are sending him

Draco tilts his head. “People are looking for me?”

Harry sighs. “Yeah, people are looking for you because of the baby, people are in a panic because they think the baby is going to be the next Voldemort”

Draco slowly nods. “So people are hunting me down to kill the baby”

Ron nods. “And you” he adds

Harry and Hermione send him another look

Ron holds his hands up in defense. “I think Malfoy has the right to know people are after him”

Draco nods. “Yes, thank you, Weasley,” he says much to Ron’s surprise. Draco then looks at Hermione and Harry. “I appreciate you trying not to worry me, but it’s better I am prepared for what might happen”

“We won’t allow anything to happen to you” Harry firmly says

“I can take care of myself Potter” 

Harry sighs. “I don’t doubt that, but it’s better to have extra protection”

“Right” Draco nods biting his lip hard to fight off the tears swelling in his eyes, everything becoming overwhelming

Without another word, he goes to the bathroom, locks the door and stares at the dark stormy grey eyes in the mirror which stares back at him. ‘Why?’ he thinks to himself. ‘It’s all because of this stupid baby, i can’t do this anymore’ he bites on his hand to stop the sound of a pathetic sob escape his mouth.

He doesn’t know how much time he’s been crying in front of the mirror but a knock at the door startles him out of his thoughts. “Y-Yeah?” he barely croaks out

“Draco...are you okay?” he hears Harry’s concerned voice question

Draco hastily wipes his tears with the palm of his hand and opens the tap to splash cold water over his warm face, the shock from the cold water snapping him out of his loud overbearing thoughts once more. 

A knock at the door startles him once again. “What are you doing, if you don’t unlock the door i’m going to open it myself” Harry insists 

Draco opens the door to see Harry pointing his wand and sigh in relief. Draco huffs. “So what, now i can’t even go to the toilet without someone constantly being at my ass”

“You took over half an hour in here, we got worried,” Harry says before blinking at Draco. “Wait, have you been crying?”

“Just leave me alone” Draco shoves past him and walks towards the bedroom.

“What’s wrong Malfoy?” Harry questions following him into the bedroom 

“Nothing, i just want some privacy”

Harry sits besides Draco on the bed, making Draco huff and slide further away from Harry. Trying not to lose his temper Harry takes a deep breath through his nose and out through his mouth. “We want to help, talking helps you know, just tell me what’s wrong”

“What’s wrong, what’s wrong?” Draco starts. “Everything is wrong!” he exclaims. “First, I constantly have nightmares nearly every single day. And second, this fucking baby is ruining my life.” tears start to swell in his eyes once again. “I was raped by an evil man,” he finally says the dreaded word which he found so hard to say, as it would be accepting what happened. “Only to end up having his child, I feel like shit every single day and i’m constantly reminded of my past and my mistakes because of the dark mark and...and…” he trails off with a sob

Flinching as a hand touches his back, Draco relaxes as he looks at Harry’s big green concerned eyes fill with determination. 

Harry takes a deep breath. “You have done mistakes, but that’s what makes you human--”

“--So allowing Snape to kill Dumbledore was just a ‘mistake’ then” Draco cuts him off

“You didn’t allow anything,” Harry says. “Yes it is your fault the death eaters got in, but that was a mistake”

Draco scoffs shaking his head, not believing any of it

But Harry is determined. “Yes you made mistakes, we all do, we’re all human after all, but what counts and matters is that we learn from them, that we don’t make the same mistakes again,” he says. “In Malfoy manor, you learned from your mistake and chose not to reveal that it was me they snatched, and you’re still learning from them, for example by trying to get on with Hermione and Ron, by getting on with me, trying to be the best person you can be”

Draco is full-on crying, big fat streams of tears falling across his face as he stares at Harry

Harry hesitantly brings a hand up watching as Draco flinches but allows him to gently wipe away the tears streaming down his face. Harry sighs. “You didn’t deserve what happened to you, as much as you were a git, you don’t deserve that, and i’m sorry that happened to you”

“It’s not your fault” Draco whispers looking deep into Harry’s eyes before slowly lowering his gaze to the ground. 

“It’s not yours either,” Harry firmly says. “If it’s anyone's it’s Voldemorts”

“But--”

“--No buts,” Harry cuts him off. Staring deeply into those stormy grey eyes Harry firmly says “It is not your fault”

Draco sniffles, wiping the dried up tear tracks across his cheeks. 

Before Harry or Draco could say anything, a knock at the door startles them both. Draco hurriedly wipes his wipes while Harry says “What is it?”

“Dinner is ready” Hermione says through the door 

Harry looks at Draco. “We’ll be there in a minute”

They both hear footsteps slowly fade away and they both let out a breath. Harry looks to Draco carefully. “Will you be okay?” 

Draco nods forcing a small smile. “I’ll be fine”

As Harry stands and makes his way to the door, Draco looks towards him from where he’s still sitting on the bed. “Thank you, Harry” Draco says sincerely 

Harry turns around and looks to Draco with a tiny smile. “It’s okay,” he says. “And Draco, you will be okay you know”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because,” Harry starts. “I know you, and I know you’re strong enough to get through this, and you’re not alone in this,” he says, watching as Draco’s features turn to doubt. “Come on, dinner must be getting cold”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments give me life ;)


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me a long time to update, my life has been crazy and hectic and I've been really busy, plus my laptop is on the verge of breaking as the fan is broken so I can't use it as much as I'd like to. Thanks for sticking with me, i hope you enjoy this chapter

The next day Draco wakes up with a soft sigh. He flutters his eyes open to see beams of sunlight shining through the sides of the curtains. He turns around to see Harry still sleeping, his features soft and relaxed, unlike the usual tenseness that is around Harry. Soft snores escaping Harry's mouth fill the otherwise quiet room. Draco smiles staring at how relaxed Harry is, how soft and calm he is. 

“I can feel you staring” Harry’s mumbling startles Draco out of his thoughts 

Draco turns his head away with a blush. “I wasn’t staring”

“Yes you were, you blanket hog”

“Blanket hog?” Draco turns to him crossing his arms at the playful look in Harry’s now open eyes. “Well at least i don’t snore” he huffs

“I do not snore” Harry insists 

Draco scoffs. “Er yes you do, i’ll even buy a recorder and record you for next time”

“Whatever you say Draco” Harry stretches, his muscles flexing in the process making Draco stare

Harry looks at Draco and rolls his eyes. “What are you staring at now?” he says

Draco turns his head to the side to hide his blush. “Nothing, don’t be so full of yourself”

Harry huffs and sits up. “How are you feeling today?” 

“I’m fine”

Harry narrows his eyes at him. 

Draco sighs. “Fine, i don’t know yet, the day has barely even started”

“That’s normal” Harry says.

Before Draco can reply, a hard knock at the door startles them both. “Breakfast is ready” Ron’s grumbling loud voice says 

“Coming” Harry says sliding off the bed and sitting on the edge with another cat like stretch

Draco gets off the bed and follows Harry towards the dining room. On the table is french toast with sugar and cinnamon sprinkled over them, and golden syrup oozing down the stacks of pancakes. Draco’s mouth salivates at the sight. 

“Woah, looks amazing” Draco says before sitting down

“Looks great guys, thank you” Harry smiles

“Ron did most of it, he’s really good at cooking when he wants to be” Hermione sends a small smile at Ron who grumbles nonsense in response taking a huge sip of his morning coffee. Hermione looks between Harry and Draco. “So how did you two sleep?”

Ron raises an eyebrow with a small smirk playing on his lips as he takes a bit of french toast

Harry sends Ron a scowl at the playful gleam in his eyes, before Harry could answer Draco beats him to it. “Slept alright, apart from Potter’s snoring”

Harry scoffs. “I would’ve slept well, if it weren’t for Draco hogging the blanket”

“I do not hog the blanket” Draco insists

“You do, i was freezing my ass off because of you”

Before Draco can retort, Ron’s and Hermione’s soft chuckles fill the room. “What?” Harry stares between them

“Nothing,” Hermione and Ron say. “Nothing at all”

Harry huffs while Draco narrows his eyes at them. Ron and Hermione share a look and continue to chuckle. 

Once they’ve finished eating Draco starts to wash the dishes, as Harry goes to the bedroom to get changed. When Draco finishes the dishes, he knocks on the bedroom door and opens it when Harry says “Come in”. He walks in only to flush when he sees Harry shirtless, his muscles flexing as he puts a shirt on. 

Harry turns to Draco with a smile. “Get dressed, we’re going to buy you a bed”

“It just occurred to me, I've been living in the muggle world too long,” Draco says. “Why don’t and didn’t we use transfiguration to transfigure something into a bed”

“Because it’s best to buy one” Harry says

Draco shrugs. “Whatever”

“Anyway, i’ll leave for you to get dressed” Harry says before leaving the room and shutting the door behind him

Draco walks to the mirror and takes his pajama shirt off. Staring at his swollen growing stomach, he sighs rubbing a hand over it, thoughts whirling through his mind. He forces his eyes away and walks towards the wardrobe and pulls out some warm fluffy jumpers. Putting on a red one, he puts on some dark denim blue jeans and looks at himself over in the mirror. 

He stares at his stomach once again which sticks out slightly. “You’re going to ruin my body,” he grumbles. “I hate you”

Deciding against the red jumper, he puts a green one instead and looks at himself over in the mirror once again. With a satisfied nod he smiles slightly. “Much better” 

He leaves the room to find Harry scattering around the flat like a confused cockroach. Draco tilts his head. “What’s wrong?” 

“I can’t find the house keys” Harry exclaims 

“Do you remember where you had it last”

“If i did i wouldn’t be looking for them” Harry sasses 

Draco scoffs and scans the room. Rolling his eyes, he walks towards the bookshelf and grabs the keys which lay besides the books. With a pointed look, he turns around to Harry who grumbles nonsense and snatches the keys off Draco’s hand. Draco laughs softly, his lips tugging upwards into a small smile. Harry smiles slightly at him with the roll of the eyes

Watching the interaction from the sofa, Hermione and Ron share a look before smiling slightly as Harry and Draco leave the house still bickering. Ron shakes his head while Hermione sighs and goes back to rest her head on Ron’s shoulder.

-

Harry and Draco walk down the street in comfortable silence. 

“So,” Draco breaks the silence. “Where do you even plan on putting the bed?” he questions

“Actually i plan on buying a sofa bed, it’s more convenient” Harry says 

Draco blinks. “Oh, yeah i guess that’s true”

“It was Hermione’s idea, of course”

“Of course” Draco says

Harry looks at Draco with gentle eyes. “So, you’re going to eighth year of Hogwarts, right?”

Draco nods. “Right”

Harry now looks at him carefully. “What about those people who are after you?”

“What about them?” 

“Well, you won’t be safe there,” Harry states. “If you don’t fight back you’re definitely going to be picked on and bullied, but if you do fight back, it’s going to be put against you, especially since you have the dark mark”

Draco’s stomach boils. “Then what am i supposed to do, stop living because people don’t want me to”

“No,” Harry says. “I mean you must be careful when you go to Hogwarts, we won’t always be there to look out for you, so…” he trails off with a sigh. “Just be careful”

“I’m always careful”

“And choose your choices wisely, sometimes it’s better to just ignore,” Harry says. “Talking back will just make them angrier”

Draco smirks. “Well well well,” he hums. “If i didn’t know any better i’d say you’re worried and care about me”

Harry rolls his eyes. “Don’t let it get to your head”

“Would never dream of it” Draco chuckles

Harry chuckles along with him. 

They enter the store and glance around at all the bed frames scattered neatly across the large store room. They walk towards where the sofa beds are and glance around at their options. 

“Hello,” a store helper greets walking towards them before stopping in his tracks, making Draco and Harry stare at the blonde haired man in confusion. “Oh my god,” the man gasps. “You’re Harry Potter” he whisper-shouts making a few close by people glance at them in confusion

Harry tries to resist sighing but fails as he sighs deeply as the stranger gushes before him

Draco narrows his eyes but doesn’t say anything

The man fans his face with his hands. “Sorry, it’s just you’re amazing, you defeated you know who”

“Yeah…” Harry trails off

The man suddenly jolts and leans in to whisper “Hey, did you hear that some guy called Draco Malfoy is pregnant with you know who’s baby, that’s scary right”

Harry clenches his jaw at the man before sending Draco a pointed look telling him with his eyes for him to stay quiet. Luckily Draco just lowers his gaze with a small grimace as Harry opens his mouth to respond

“Not really,” Harry says. “The baby might not end up dark like Voldemort, i believe we are different from our parents despite whether or not we look or act like them, we’re all different in our own ways,” he states. “Besides, we all have light and dark inside us, we have the ability to choose which to act on, and if i have any say in it i’ll make sure this child won’t have to choose dark” he says mostly the last part to Draco. Harry sends the stunned store helper a smile. “Anyway, help us look for a sofa bed?”

The man blinks and then snaps out of it and nods his head. “Yeah yeah of course”

They spend the next twenty minutes looking for the perfect sofa bed. They ended up choosing a dark wooden sofa bed which turns into a big double bed. They arrange to have it delivered and it should arrive in the next two days.

On the way back to the flat, Harry and Draco walk in a comfortable silence

“Did you mean what you said?” Draco breaks the silence

Harry blinks. “Mean what?”

“What you said about...you know, the baby”

Harry looks at Draco carefully. “Yeah i meant it, whether you like it or not, i’m going to help take care of the baby and make sure it doesn’t go dark”

“And what if it goes dark?” Draco asks 

“With us by its side, it won’t”

“I don’t want anything to do with this baby, if you want to be in its life, you can, just don’t force me to be in it” Draco states

“But--” Harry starts but cuts himself off at the pointed hard look Draco sends him. “--Okay, i understand, but just think about it more”

“I won’t change my mind”

“Still, just think about it”

Once they’re at the flat, Draco makes his way to the bedroom without a word and lays down on the bed staring at nothing. He runs a hand over his stomach. “I’m not going to change my mind” he says to himself, insisting that it’s true, before shutting his eyes and allowing sleep to take over him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments give me life ;)


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it literally took me forever to update, my laptop officially broke and im now writing on my phone, so updates may take a while. Sorry once again

The next day Harry and Draco both wake up to commotion and noise coming from outside their room. 

“I need to talk to Harry” the voice, Harry now notices, is Ginny's says 

Harry furrows his eyebrows and slides his legs off the bed as the door barges open and Ginny stomps inside before stopping in her tracks at the sight of Harry and Draco in bed. She shakes her head slightly and turns to Harry who jumps to a stand and races towards her when he spots tears forming in her eyes. 

“Ginny?” Harry questions looking deep into her teary eyes. “What’s wrong?” 

Ginny shakes her head rapidly and inhales a hitched breath. “The baby…” she whispers

“Huh?” Harry says not hearing what she said. “What did you say?”

“I lost the baby!” She exclaims loudly

Harry's heart drops into his stomach. “What…” he trails off

Draco moves to a stand and makes his way towards the door where Ron and Hermione are looking in with wide eyes. “We’ll leave you both to talk in private” Draco says before leaving the room and signaling Hermione and Ron to follow him before shutting the door

As soon as the door is shut with a soft click, Ginny drops to the floor and sobs into her hands. Harry joins her on the floor and pulls her into a tight hug, rocking her back and forward, forcing back a stray tear that threatens to fall. “What...how…” Harry trails off

“I don't know Harry,” Ginny sobs. “I was so careful, how could this happen?” she cries. “Today i found blood when i went to the toilet and i went to the healer and they did a few scans but the baby...the baby...the baby is gone” 

Harry rubs her back in comfort. “This is not your fault Ginny” he states firmly

Ginny shakes her head. “If i were more careful-”

“-No, it wasn’t your fault, these things...they just happen sometimes”

Ginny laughs a bitter laugh. “I was actually excited for this baby,” she states. “Even though it was unplanned and we’re not together anymore...i actually already love--i mean, loved, this baby”

“Me too Ginny, me too”

They sit together on the floor in a comfortable silence for a while, they don’t know how much time passed until a soft knock on the door makes them jolt and knocks them out of their thoughts. Harry raises to a stand and helps Ginny up as he says “Come in”

Ron, Hermione and Draco peep their heads through the door and look between them carefully. “Is everything okay?” Hermione questions.

Harry squeezes Ginny’s hand in comfort. “They will be” he says before sending Ginny a tight smile 

Ginny nods. “Yeah, they will”

Losing his patience, Ron opens his mouth to say “What happened though? What do you mean you lost the baby?” 

“Ron!” Hermione slaps his arm

Draco rolls his eyes at Ron's bluntness

Ron frowns and rubs his arm. “What?” he then looks to Ginny who has tears forming back in her eyes

Hermione goes towards Ginny and rubs her back in comfort. “Let's talk about this over some tea, yeah?”

They all agree and make their way to the sitting room. Draco is about to leave, but Harry looks at him in confusion. “Aren’t you going to stay?” 

Draco stares between Harry and everyone else. “I don’t know, this seems like a family affair”

Harry is about to open his mouth to reply, but Ron beats him to it. 

“Yeah it is,” Ron states. “Go to the bedroom or something”

Draco nods. “Yeah, i’m going back to sleep,” he then looks at Ginny. “I’m sorry about the baby Weasley”

Ginny sends him a single nod, and without another word Draco leaves

Once Draco is out of sight, Ginny glances at Harry with her eyebrows furrowed. “Why were you both in bed together--actually, why is he even here?”

Harry sighs. “You know how the news came out about him being pregnant with Voldemort's baby?” he questions but knows that she knows already, everyone knows. At Ginny’s nod, he continues saying “Well, i invited him over to stay until we go back to hogwarts”

Ginny laughs a soft laugh despite everything. “And how’s that going?”

“It’s going fine” Harry and Hermione say at the same time Ron says “He’s a prat” 

Hermione rolls her eyes. “He’s not the same guy we knew at hogwarts, he’s changed” she says

Ron huffs. “Yeah, right,” he scoffs. “But anyway, what’s with you Ginny? You come here hysterical and then you say you lost the baby, like…” he trails off watching as his little sisters face falls

“Yeah, I was bleeding when I went to the toilet, and i went to a healer, and they did some scans and tests, but the baby…”

“...Is gone” Hermione finishes her sentence 

Ginny nods. 

A loud deafening silence fills the room. Harry shuts his eyes. "Why?" he questions. "Hermione, you know everything," he says much to Hermione's protest. Harry glares at the ground. "Why must this happen?" he says but knows its not her fault. He grits his teeth, anger bubbling in his stomach

"I don't know Harry" Hermione gently says

"Merlin why?" Harry clenches his fist staring at nothing. Blinking back tears that threaten to fall, Harry jumps to a stand and bites his lip while pacing around the room. "I mean, is it too much to ask for something great" 

Not sure how to respond to that, Hermione, Ron and Ginny stay quiet and wait for Harry to calm down a bit.

Once Harry's pacing starts to slow, Hermione gestures for him to sit back down. As Harry sits down feeling a bit calmer, Hermione pours the tea with a sigh. 

"This came as a big shock," Hermione starts. "So right now you must be overwhelmed with different emotions, i mean we all are, but just know if you guys need anything, we're here for you both" she says glancing between Harry and Ginny with a firm look

Ron nods. "You're my sister and best mate, I'll do anything for you both"

"Thanks guys," Harry sighs, shutting his eyes and raising to a stand. "I need time to think and sort myself out, im going to rest a bit more," he says before looking at Ginny. "You don't mind?"

Ginny shakes her head. "No no, of course not"

Harry leaves the room and makes his way to his bedroom. Opening the door, he spots Draco who looks up from his book and then puts it away saying "How did it go?" 

Harry shakes his head mutely, squinting his eyes shut. 

Draco lowers his gaze. "I'm sorry"

Harry opens his eyes and looks at Draco. "What for?" 

"For what happened" 

"Its not your fault" Harry sighs. 

Draco bites his lip. "Im sorry it happened"

"So am i"

Draco looks at Harry carefully. "Do you need space? Should i leave?"

Harry shakes his head. "It's alright"

An awkward silence fills the room. Harry lays down on the bed and curls into a ball, pulling his knees to his chest, trying to make himself look as small as possible. "Why?" Harry whispers

"What?" Draco questions not hearing him 

"Why?" Harry says. "Why do i always lose the ones i care about"

Draco sighs. "The world is cruel"

"Which is why you don't want to live in it anymore huh?" Harry says distantly 

"Yeah" Draco lowers his gaze looking at Harrys back 

Harry turns around to face Draco, tears are in his eyes and his voice cracks as he says "Promise me something" 

"What?"

"That you won't leave me too"

Draco shakes his head laughing softly. "Why? You don't care that much about me do you" 

"I just can't lose anyone else"

Draco sighs. "I can't promise something like that Potter"

"At least promise me that you'll stay with me today" Harry looks up at Draco with soft eyes

Draco has no idea why Potter is saying these things, he figures it must be because of the loss and grief Harry must be feeling. 

But either way, Draco gently says "If you want me to stay, then i'm not going anywhere"

"Thanks Draco"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments give me life ;)


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the comments, they make my day

Draco wakes up and suddenly a wave of rapid thoughts crashes over him. As soon as he’s conscious it seems like anxiety and thoughts never seem to leave. Draco quietly slides off the bed, careful not to wake Potter up. He gets changed and leaves a note on his side of the bed saying that he’s going to visit his mother. 

Walking out of the room, unaware that the note flew to the floor when he opened the door creating a draft with the open window, he skips breakfast and apparates to the alleyway behind the cafe where he’s going to meet up with his mother. Walking in, he spots his mother who lights up and smiles at the sight of him walking towards her. 

She stands and hugs Draco tightly. “Hello darling, how’re you doing? How is Mr Potter treating you, tell me everything” she sits once again and waits for Draco to respond

“I’m alright mother, Potter is being very nice to me”

“Good” is what Narcissa says 

Draco sighs rubbing a hand over his stomach with a frown. 

Narcissa notices and looks at Draco carefully. “What’s wrong darling?” 

“Nothing,” he starts but then sighs. “It’s just Potter and Weasley lost their baby, and...i don’t know, i kind of feel bad as they were really looking forward to the baby, and i’m here with mine and i don’t want it, i just feel bad”

Narcissa grabs Draco’s hands and gives them a tight squeeze. “Darling, don’t feel bad, it’s okay to feel a bit sad for them but they didn’t lose the baby because of you, and just because you feel a certain way about yours doesn’t mean your thoughts and feeling don’t matter”

“This isn’t fair mother, why did Potter and Weasley have to lose their baby and why did i have to fall pregnant and be stuck with this monster growing inside me”

“Life’s not fair darling, that’s all i have to say really” Narcissa says sadly 

Draco sighs and shakes his head. “Anyway, how are you doing mother?”

Narcissa chuckles. “Oh, I'm fine,” her chuckle then dies down. “But i’m worried about you Draco, i’m constantly on edge and scared something might happen to you,” she squeezes his hands tightly. “Please, come live with me, come home”

“I’m okay,” he squeezes her hands back in reassurance. “As much as i hate to admit it, i like living with Potter, they treat me nicely, besides it’s only until i go to Hogwarts”

Narcissa winces. “Yeah about that...i think it’s best you don’t go back to Hogwarts”

“Why?” Draco frowns 

“Because,” she sighs. “People are after you and the baby, they want to hurt you and kill the baby”

Draco holds his head high. “I refuse to hide anymore like a coward, i know how to defend myself”

“I know that but--”

“--Also Hogwarts iis a safe place, and i’m not alone, i’ve got my friends--hell, i even have Potter”

“I refuse to allow you to go back to Hogwarts” Narcissa slams a fist on the table

Draco has never fought back to his parents, however there’s a fire within him that is burning through him. “No” he says

“Excuse me”

“I said no,” He says again. “I am of age and if i want to go i will”

Narcissa takes a deep breath. “Darling i only want what’s best for you, i hate to admit it...but i’m scared, i can’t lose you” she says sincerely 

“You won’t lose me”

“Promise me you’ll be careful”

“I promise”

____

Harry wakes up the next day with a pounding headache as the doorbell rings. He sits up and frowns when he finds the bed besides him empty. ‘Huh, I wonder where Draco is’ he thinks to himself. With a sigh, he slides his legs off the bed and stretches with a huge loud yawn. Glancing out the window, he watches as a bird lands on it’s nest with a worm in its mouth and feeds it to its children. Harry squints his eyes shut as loads of rapid thoughts run through his mind about Ginny and the baby

A knock at the door brings him out of his thoughts. “Harry,” Hermione’s voice says on the other side. “The sofa bed is here” 

Harry nods silently but then shakes his head slightly at the fact she’s behind the door and can’t see him. “Yeah, i’ll be right there” he says

Hearing her footsteps slowly fade away. He quickly goes to the toilet and changes into jeans and a shirt before leaving the room. As he enters the sitting room, he quickly glances around for Draco and frowns when he can’t spot him. 

Hermione and Ron look at him carefully. “How are you, Harry?” 

“Where’s Draco?” he says instead of answering their question

Hermione blinks at him. “Wasn’t he sleeping with you” she says and then winces at how weird that would sound out of context

“He went to bed last night but I now woke up to him gone, you don’t think…” Harry trails.

Ron huffs. “I don’t care about him, I care about you Harry,” Ron says. “You never answered us about how you are”

“Right now i’m worried about Draco, what if he did something?” Harry exclaims nervously 

Before anyone could respond, the door clicks and then opens to reveal Draco walking in with a sigh

Harry whirls around to him.”Where have you been, i was worried”

Draco furrows his eyebrows. “I left a note” 

“Well i didn’t find one” Harry exclaims

“I swear i did, maybe it fell or something” 

“Where were you?” Harry questions 

“I was with my mother”

Hermione looks up to Draco. “How is Mrs Malfoy?”

“She’s alright, worried about me though”

Ron stands from where he was sitting and turns to Harry. ”Mate, you still haven’t answered us, are you okay?”

“Yeah, i’m fine” Harry brushes it off

Ron shakes his head. “No mate, really”

Draco and Hermione look at Harry with worried eyes. “Yeah,” Hermione says. “Please be honest with us, we just want the best for you”

Harry sighs. “No, i’m not okay”

Draco lowers his head in shame 

Harry and Hermione notice and glance at each other before looking at Draco. “What’s wrong Draco?”

“Nothing” he shakes his head and forces a smile

Harry stares at him. “If i have to be honest, then so do you”

Draco sighs. “I just feel bad that you lost the baby”

“Why? It wasn’t your fault” Harry says 

“It’s just, you were really excited for the baby and loved it already,” Draco starts. “And i feel bad because i HATE my baby, i don’t want it and i’m not looking forward to it”

Harry shakes his head. “You were taken advantage of and forced to become pregnant by a horrible man, what you feel is absolutely valid”

Hermione nods. “Harry is right Malfoy”

Ron sighs. “You were raped Malfoy, you have every right to not want that baby”

“But still i--” Draco starts only to be cut off

Ron shakes his head. “Look i hate you Malfoy, but i wouldn’t wish what happened to you upon anyone, not even you, however what happened happened, and now we must move forward from this, it doesn’t do well to dwell on the past, but focus on the future”

Hermione sends Ron a small smile. “Ron is right, though it is easier said than done”

“Of course,” Ron says. “I don’t expect Harry to get over the baby any time soon, however i know that the pain will be easier as time comes, it always does”

Draco stares at Ron. “That’s very wise of you Weasley”

Harry sighs. “We ALL went through traumatic events, some different, some similar, however, we’ve all got each other, and we’re not alone,” he says then looks at Draco. “Even you Draco”

Hermione nods. “Even you”

Ron scoffs but nods. “Yeah”

Draco flushes. “Thanks guys. It may not be much, but you have me too”

“It’s enough” Harry says

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. Btw comments fill my soul with joy


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